Canine Chaos

2011-02-23T20:04:00.002-05:00

Since entering grad school I have been forced to relearn how to operate and search a data base of journals called Pubmed. You can search for anything under the sun...well maybe not anything but anything health/ mind/ nutrition, etc related... you get the point. There is a lot of information out there. About a month and a half ago I was on this data base all the time trying to figure out a topic for my PICO paper for my research class and I stumbled on a journal entitled "Death Studies". Who knew there was an entire journal devoted to the study of death and bereavement. I mean, does the process change? Anyway, this quote is taken from this journal and is not presented in APA format but I thought it was very applicable.

The duration of grief is long, painful, and inherently disorganizing= disorienting for many individuals. In fact, research in death studies seems to indicate that successful grieving does not mean ‘‘recovery’’ (Paletti, 2008), because many individuals never ‘‘recover’’ to a pre-loss sense of ‘‘self’’ and ‘‘self-in-the-world’’ (Arnold & Buschman Gemma, 2008; Malkinson, Rubin, & Witztum, 2006). Other researchers have suggested that the culmination of grieving should be described as a process of contextual resilience (Sandler, Wolchik, & Ayers, 2008), restoration (Paletti, 2008), adaptive continuing bonds (Field, 2006; Field, Gao, & Paderna, 2005), or re-integration (Bowlby, 1980). Constructivist theory claims that ‘‘grief can be viewed as a struggle to reaffirm or reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss’’ (Neimeyer, Holland, Currier, & Mehta, 2008, p. 270). These descriptions incorporate the efforts of the bereaved to adapt and shape a life that includes the irrevocable loss of their loved one. It is certainly a world that is much different from the pre-loss world they once knew.

I think the 2 points I related to in this article were, 1) Grief is inherently disorganizing and disorienting and 2) Successful grieving does not mean recovery and that most individuals never return to a pre-loss sense of self.

I get the sense that people, in an unspoken manner, feel that the bereaved should eventually return to a pre loss self and when that doesn't happen it makes people nervous. But how can one return to "normal" when there is no real normal. It is a bizarre concept and I am not articulating it in a manner that many will understand but normal is reset to life after... you fill in the blank.

I think about this a lot as I wonder what in the world I am doing with my life. Not to beret the point but I hate school. I feel pressure to continue since academically I can do it and be successful. I was raised to always finish what I started and do my best. Society stresses that more is better. I don't know. I just don't know that being an NNP is what in the end I want. I love being a NICU RN but do I really care about a few more letters behind my name. So, last spring as I felt the need for change I decided that school would be the change I was after. Now, I do think I needed a change and overall the move was the right choice as I try to get on with my life but was school the right idea??? There is just no joy in this process.

2 more midterms and then fun in the sun.

2011-02-22T23:17:00.002-05:00

Oh to be a landscaper or an NNP....That is the question especially since I can't stand the process of school. Perhaps I could strike a balance and be a NICU RN and a landscaper part time each. I'm not so sure the school thing agrees with me. Self inflicted stress and tension, what in the world was I thinking...

“May I have the courage today to live the life that I would love,

To postpone my dream no longer,

But do at last what I came here for

And waste my heart on fear no more” – John O’Donahue

Random Thoughts

2011-01-13T09:57:00.003-05:00

A new semester has begun...and we have already had one exam. Now I know I can be dramatic about exams and grades but there was no drama in my fb statement that it was a disaster.

It took me about 40 minutes for a 40 question exam. I wasn't the first to finish, probably about the 3 or 4th person to leave. And for some reason we always have to have lecture following the exam so we all were slowly gathering outside waiting for class to begin again.

There are certain things in various life situations that never seem to change...Nurses after exams. We all gather, looks of shock and disbelief. How dare the professor ask that... We never went over that in class... The questions were so vague... What did you put for the question about etc... We compare and contrast but in the the outcome will be what the outcome will be.

Other steady life situation are nurses in the hospital. The primary night nurses don't get along with the day nurses. The drama that surrounds each and every schedule but even more so with holiday schedules. Every place I have worked, these seem to be constants. I almost makes me laugh it is so predictable.

It is a cold and snowy day/week. I am rotating days and nights at my new job and this is a less then desirable circumstance in which I find myself. At least I have spring break to look forward to. When I was in college I never went on a "real" spring break. I think I mostly went home and worked and studied. So, since I am a student again and my life circumstances have severely limited my travel opportunities I am going south to the beach with some of my best buddies, Claire and Heather. Here's to year 3- girly getaway!

2010-11-29T14:51:00.003-05:00

It's Monday afternoon. Thanksgiving has come and gone. The winter holidays are a bit of an enigma to me, especially the last few years. Everyone gets so hyped about them. The prep for each is immense and then in the blink of an eye... it's all over for yet another year. Don't get me wrong, I love getting together with friends and family. Christmas cookies are some of my favorites. I love the smell of pine and cinnamon. It's a wonderfully cozy time of year yet there is such intense pressure to fit so much into such a small window of time.

As I sit here at the bar in my kitchen, casually munching on a post workout lunch of trader joe's 3 cheese pizza and broccoli florets, (eaten directly from the pot in which they were steamed-just because I can), I look around my apartment and wonder...should I decorate? Should I put away the 2 ceramic pumpkins and the 4 orange candles that completed my "fall" decor? Oh probably. More likely I will vacuum and wash my floors. That seems to be the more logical choice at this time. But the even more logical choice would be to finish studying...

I would personally like to start a movement to end the semester just before Thanksgiving. It is just so hard to come back and get in the mind frame of studying and finals. Aughhhh. The reality is for most of my classes all my work is pretty much done and my one remaining test for patho is not cumulative. That is the upside. The downside is that it is the worst content of the semester... I have been re-listening to 6 hours of lecture on the neurological system. And yes, if you are wondering if it is a terrible experience, it is...

Poor Heather B has heard me say this now multiple times. I truly hate the neuro system. As my mother so kindly reminded me over break, I used to work on a neuro floor when I was a new nurse. Perhaps that is what soured me or perhaps it has been my own life experiences or maybe some sort of combo. I should really be studying it and not whining about it but alas, I continue to write.

The one thing I was struck by as I was in lecture was just how flippant my professor really is about things. To some extent nurses, doctors, people in general who work in healthcare can often get callous about real issues that are occurring with real people. I am obviously more sensitive to this because Christian had massive head and spinal cord injuries ultimately contributing to his death, so I think the take home message for me is sensitivity. As I continue on in my schooling and in life in general, ultimately I want my life experiences to make me better not bitter. More sensitive not less. Softer (in a good, non-pansy way) not harder. It's a life long process and a string of purposeful decisions.

Home, Sweet, Home....

2010-11-27T20:46:00.004-05:00

... It feels a bit weird to say that about Pittsburgh but I guess it is true for the time being. I mean, I rent an apartment here and all my stuff is located in PA. Anyway, I had a great Thanksgiving with the family and cousin Jen in Lexington but it was a trip home to say the least.

I thought the drive was going quite well until I decided I was hungry a little after 1pm. So, I pulled over, somewhere in the middle of nowhere Ohio. I pulled in to an Arby's that had not been updated since probably 1985. All of the servers were toothless and the decor was a combo of light blues and pastel pinks, wallpaper, complete with an upper wallpaper boarder. Scary, perhaps that should have been my first clue. Anyway, I continued on with my order despite my reservations. The order went human bathroom, food, dogs. I let the dogs out to go pee and then gave them some water...that is where I went so very wrong. I thought they were thirsty. Grady refuses to sit or even lay down now in the car and he was panting constantly so I thought they needed a little drink. They both inhaled the water and by the time i closed the back hatch and sat in the driver's seat...I heard the telltale sounds of an enormous puke.

I remained quietly in my seat trying to wish away what I knew was my new reality. Really, really, couldn't you have moved that terrible puke up a few seconds and let it rip outside the car. Dyllan.....who knows what happened but there was something mysterious along with the dog food that most likely caused her stomach to be upset.

Out went the dogs... I told them to sit their little butts on the pavement and not to move and if they decided to get hit because of movement from the sitting position, I was not about to help them out. Oh, I am so full of idle threats. I climbed in the back of the Volvo to discover that the puke was not only on the rubber mat but also all over the left side of the car. *Sign*. I started to pull out the mat to dump the contents when a GIANT gust of wind descended upon the plains of that Ohio causing the emesis to come flying back on ME! So, not only was it all over the mat and the car but now it was all over me. Just fabulous!!!

I have never been so happy to take a nice hot shower upon arrival home. Thankfully stomaches have settled and we are all reacclimating to apartment living in Pittsburgh.

Our Lexington Thanksgiving...

2010-11-25T22:58:00.019-05:00

It all began in Pittsburgh. For some reason, I couldn't get the packing and leaving under control yesterday. My cousin and I finally got the bags, dogs, games, the dog food, computer, food, coffee, etc... loaded and off we went west. Off to Lexington KY for a good old family Thanksgiving. What is it about Thanksgiving.... there were like 10,000 minivans on the road, in a line, in the left lane, traveling at the speed of mud. What, were we all on a Sunday afternoon drive. People, we have places to go and people to see.... And no, I don't have road rage but it is so ANNOYing when people go less then the speed limit and insist on traveling in the left lane. I was flashing them left and right but to no avail. I guess because it was daylight or else they were ignoring me. Is there a mecca west that all minivans were traveling too??? Anyway we made it and fun times prevail in spite of the weather.

I just have to say up front, my dad is a good sport. Jon was stuck at the hospital caring for colicky horses, so the rest of us decided to head out for a movie. The only problem was, although my car can hold 7, I don't have the 3rd seat utilized, so dad was relegated to the doggie area. We offered him a rawhide chew but he declined..... He is studying for his board exam.

Getting back in voluntarily

Mom and the boys.

The yearly family portrait..... Since we were under extreme time constraints, the process seemed to go much smoother. Does this mean we get a bye Christmas Eve Mom???? No pulling out of the tripod and the yelling up the stairs, "Don't get changed, we are going to have a family pic..." For some reason, the "Christmas Eve pic" is an arduous process even though it is a yearly event for the last 34 years. To the general public, you would have thought we would have perfected the process at this point. No Such Luck!!!!

The girls. We are looking a bit golden in this pic. Quite odd.

Ethan's first plate. Next time he is going to teach us how to compile our buffet plates. Apparently he is an expert.

Playing with the camera on my phone. The things we do to spice up Thanksgiving Dinner.

The mustache just makes him so much scarier.

Mom and I should have done a better job coordinating our colors. We are looking a bit 80's, turquoise and hot pink.

The other side of the dinner table. Chris looks like he is about to pontificate on a passage.

A little post dinner coffee, dialogue and discussions about things we are thankful for.... Coffee being one of them.

2010-11-23T10:03:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I have taken a moment to sit and think and decide to perhaps write a little. Here are a few pictures from our walk this morning prior to the rain starting up again.

We, meaning the dogs and I, have a new little routine going. It all started with daylight savings the first week in November. I have a feeling my dogs reacted in a similar manner to many who have small children or babies, they don't care that the clocks are reading an hour later, they only care what time their stomachs are telling them. So, I was up early that Sunday morning. I brewed my coffee, bundled up, leashed the dogs and off we went down the trail to the river park. It was that very morning that I made some new and lasting doggie friends. Now pretty much every morning I meet up with my friend Tony and his shepherd/collie mix, Little Bear. Tony must be about 80 and I think Little Bear is about 12-13. Little bear is so funny, all he wants is treats and Tony is always taking pictures of the dogs. We wander down the path and back. Often times we are joined by an older lady and her black lab mix, Star. Yesterday the dogs made a new friend, Smooch, a wiry little Boston Terrier. That dog is a pistol and definitely gave Grady a run for his money. There are a few others that come around here and there depending on the day of the week. It's like a little doggie club. It is also a great way to get the dogs out and exercised first thing in the morning. Well see if it lasts once it starts to get really cold.

Dyllan is trying to stuff as many sticks as possible into her mouth at once. Greedy!
Well, enough about the dogs. I have almost survived my first semester of grad school. Miracle of all miracles. I really had my doubts at the beginning but I must be feeling confident enough, I registered for next semester. I finally got a NICU job and I start in December.

I seem to lack wit and humor this morning so I am signing off to go to the gym.

It's Tuesday

2010-10-19T13:00:00.002-04:00

The updates from my grad school life are as follows:

:: Icing my knee after running and biking today. Trying to get back into running shape and I can honestly say, it is a horrible process

:: I was up for 1 hour last night at 0100 cleaning up 4 different episodes of vomit. It don't know what happened to Dyllan but it was not a pretty sight.

:: I have a stats midterm exam in a week that I can only muster apathy towards at the present moment

:: I visited Trader Joe's this morning. Even though it is 15 minutes away, I am going to make it a routine. The perks of city living

:: I have thought more about needle exchange programs and my current thought is that if private entities want to fund such things, fine but taxpayers should not have to foot the bill. Or better yet, (not my original idea but thought it was great) make syringes available to purchase in stores along with sharps containers without an MD script. I know what you are all thinking, would druggies really go and spend money on syringes? Perhaps they would just want to save their money for more drugs. I don't know what the answer is. But the reality is, until Jesus comes back, people are still going to abuse their bodies.

:: I wore a hat today for the first time this fall season. I wish I had brought my knitting stuff with me now.

:: My dad is coming for a brief visit this weekend. Yeah! Pictures will get hung and the XC 90 will get some new tires. I learned from him today when I was reading off my tire measurements that I have "aggressive" tires/wheels. 235/60R18. I think it was the 18 part that was the aggressive part. I love the application of this word to tires! Aggressive tires on my safe car.

:: Lunch, shower, studying, school. Tata

Beware, this is controversial

2010-10-17T21:44:00.004-04:00

I thought I would share a bit of what I am doing/learning in school. Life in general is not as black and white as I once thought it was. Yes, some things are cut and dry but areas of gray do exist. Interesting things to ponder.

Needle Exchange Programs, Should the US government fund these programs?

When I woke up this morning, prior to watching the lecture online, reading the articles for this assignment and doing my own web search, I probably would have off the cuff answered that I was against Needle Exchange Programs. It probably wouldn't have mattered to me whether or not they were government sponsored or privately sponsored entities, in my mind it seemed rational to me that providing addicts with syringes only means easier access to getting the fix that they "need".

I really was amazed and intrigued by Stuart's lecture. His life/work experiences speak volumes. At the beginning of his lecture he talks about this idea of harm reduction and how that plays out in each of our everyday lives. I would agree that we all engage to some extent in these harm reducing behaviors, such as wearing seat belts when driving, talking hands free when driving, wearing a bike helmet, engaging in exercise etc... and I agree with him that to a certain extent there is a measure of harm reduction in the use of methadone clinics, needle exchange programs, safer drug use education. I have a hard time in my mind liking the two scenarios. To me wearing a seatbelt when I am driving seems to me to be a wise decision. Doing IV drugs seems like an unwise choice from the beginning so then to try and reduce risk of HIV/ Hep C/B transmission while engaging in a high risk behavior seems a bit oxymoronic.

I think the case study about Tim was really revealing about the true struggle that Stuart and those that were working with this population of AIDs patients truly had. This man was already going to die, full blown AIDS, and he was getting terrible abscesses from improper drug injection. Honestly, I was glad to hear that it was a struggle and something that these workers went back in forth about in regards to teaching the patients how to inject properly. Initially it really does seems like enabling a person in crisis but to hear that it actually limited new abscesses, stabilized and in some people helped significantly reduced IV drug use, that was a truly positive outcome.

Personally, I feel that drug use is a choice. I read the article arguing that drug use is a chronic illness and I don't completely agree. Yes, there is a proven genetic component but the initial step is that person choosing to try out a new substance. That is a personal choice that one makes and there has to be some sort of personal responsibility that one takes for the choices that he or she makes in life. There seems to be a great lack of personal responsibility for one's own choices in this day and age.

So, as I pondered these new insights today I waffled back in forth as to which side I should lean towards. Since I feel that IV drug use is a personal choice that one makes should I support the government of use of taxpayer funds for needle exchange programs, of course not. But part of my brain says that even though morally I disagree with IV drug use if there is a benefit to society economically, perhaps it should be considered. I found this article online that was for Needle Exchange Programs.

http://bakerinstitute.org/publications/DRUG-pub-MartinNeedleExchangeUpdate-011609.pdf

Even those who subscribe to such views, however, should pause in the face of the enormous economic costs of treating people infected with HIV or already suffering from AIDS. A study published in the November 2006 issue of Medical Care estimates that the current cost of lifetime treatment for a person with HIV with newer antiretroviral drugs is $618,900, though that number has been projected to drop to $385,200. The same report estimates that the net savings for each case prevented is $303,100.2 Precise estimates are difficult to determine and subject to change. Lowered cost of drugs may reduce the annual cost of treatment, but increased success of drugs will mean longer periods of treatment. In any case, treating just the more than 200,000 people infected with HIV in the last five years would cost, using the lower estimate, $60 billion.
Many people infected with these diseases receive little or no medical treatment, but of those who do, Medicaid or other public funds bear a high proportion of the cost. For example, from 2001 to 2005, Texas State Medicaid costs for HIV/AIDS services totaled $316.5 million—and that did not include outlays by private payers, insurance companies, or government programs such as Medicare and Veterans Affairs.3 Treatment for hepatitis C, which affects a population six times larger than HIV and AIDs, can run to $20,000 to $30,000 per year, with lifetime costs of more than $300,000. Of those whose hepatitis C progresses to end-stage liver disease later in life, Medicare picks up the $300,000 or so for the one in four fortunate enough to receive a transplant. Preventing just one case of either disease would save far more than the annual cost of a first-rate needle-exchange program. A 2006 CDC report estimated that preventing just 3,430 cases of HIV infection—fewer than 10 percent—would produce a net cost savings to society.4

A Johns Hopkins study of the Baltimore City Needle Exchange, launched in 1994 at the urging of Mayor Kurt Schmoke, concluded that, after six years in operation, the incidence of HIV in that city decreased by 35 percent overall and 70 percent among the approximately 10,000 participants in the program. As in New Haven, about 20 percent of participants voluntarily entered drug treatment. The number of used needles collected in the trash fell by almost half, reducing the threat of injury or infection to children and others who might come in contact with them accidentally. Overall drug usage dropped by about 20 percent, 1500 clients had entered treatment—staffers told of having to tell at least 20–30 people every day that no slot was available for them—and the number of used needles collected in the trash fell by almost half.

I read this and I was leaning towards embracing government funded needle exchange programs but then I found this article in the journal, Addiction, Volume 105, Issue 5, pages 844–859, May 2010,
Evidence for the effectiveness of sterile injecting equipment provision in preventing hepatitis C and human immunodeficiency virus transmission among injecting drug users: a review of reviews.
I was only able to see the abstract but the results were as stated:

Three core and two supplementary reviews of injecting equipment interventions were identified. According to the proposed framework, this study found (a) insufficient evidence to conclude that any of the interventions are effective in preventing HCV transmission; (b) tentative evidence to support the effectiveness of NSP in preventing HIV transmission; (c) sufficient evidence to support the effectiveness of NSP (and tentative evidence of an additional impact of pharmacy NSP) in reducing self-reported IRB; and (d) little to no evidence on vending machines, outreach or providing other injecting equipment in relation to any of the outcomes.

Therefore at this time I cannot commit to either side. As stated above I feel that IV drug use is a personal choice and not a chronic illness so it is hard for me to support the use of government funds that I have contributed to as a taxpayer to fund a program providing clean needles to addicts. Yet, drug use and addiction is a real and tangible problem that has a vast array of health issues that affect each and every one of us whether or not we like it. It is definitely a moral, ethical and economical issue that I don't think has one easy coverall answer.

Saturday

2010-10-12T08:21:00.006-04:00

Saturday morning. It is cool but sunny and beautiful out. I was out early on errands and soon I will lace up those running shoes and head on out for some good old exercise. It was a bit of a busy week with an exam on Wednesday that was much more difficult then our first one. Now it is on to stats and worrying about that midterm. My professor said the funniest thing in the middle of lecture...So random and didn't really fit with the topic of chi square. "There is no such thing as a free lunch." It was so random and out of the blue and he is also very hard to understand with his thick accent, so it was just perfect. The whole class woke up out of their stupor and laughed. I think you had to be there. Anyway, that's about it for now. I better get up and run before I loss my motivation.

This was last night on our evening walk. It was cool and a little rainy so I let the dogs off the leash in the park behind my apartment building. Unfortunately Dyllan made it too the water faster then I could correct her. Then of course...we find the largest stick possible and then what??? What am I supposed to do with that thing?

I found this new "area" for the dogs to play at that is kind of in a "ghettoish" type of area but this was what was happening while the dogs were playing. I took this picture to illustrate that this is not the kind of job I would like to have. Hanging off a bridge in a crane type bucket thing. Yikes. Does not look like a very safe job.

Last Sunday, we went on an adventure to Ohiopyle. It is a state park in PA. It was the most perfect day. The dogs were so happy to be free and running and in the water for hours on end. And they have a new Weimaraner friend Lucy.

IT was hard to get any really good pics of such quickly moving targets. But this is Lucy. Lots and lots of rough housing for sticks. Grady looks like a complete midget next to her.

Call the police... the fashion police...

2010-10-09T21:51:00.003-04:00

OMG...Really there is a limit to embracing the "college"mentality. I am not one of these 22 year old girls bopping around campus. I just realized when I was out with the dogs just now that, really, I perhaps am on a slippery slope that may require an intervention by the fashion police.

Today, I lived in cut off sweats with a Gap body t-shirt and I even ventured out with that outfit on with a pair of reefs. I didn't even own a pair of sweats until I moved to Pittsburgh. Really, what was I thinking... I was hot and not showered and studying... Are those really valid excuses??? Then, I just took the dogs out in a NorthFace fleece, Nike workout shorts and a pair of Ugg boots. What made me think that was ok? I have really gone down hill. Where are the days of Anthropologie, heels, etc.... Oh well. It is just a season. I just need a reason to dress up. Patho doesn't really warrant dressy clothes. Patho just cares that I know the cold hard facts.

But if you see me out looking like a hobo, I give anyone permission to call me out.

Friday Updates

2010-10-08T19:31:00.004-04:00

First thing this morning. Dyllan did not want to be in the room any longer. I guess it was just a long night with the hacking monster. She was just done. Why she didn't leave I just don't know.

This was Grady at the vet this morning. Very unhappy that he was in this tiny room without Dyllan and not being able to see what was going on out in the main area. I really don't know what he would do without her.
...So, the illness. The vet was a bit concerned that Grady's symptoms started 2 days after he received the bordetella vaccine. He said this was the second time this month that an owner has brought their dog back with these symptoms after getting the vaccine. He is going to look into this but in the mean time, Grady is being treated with antibiotics and NARCOTICS. Yes, you heard right everyone, my dog is on hydrocodone. It's not for the pain but to suppress his terrible/ hacking/honking cough. Needless to say, he has been attached to his bed this afternoon. Not completely a zombie but very, very mellow. I guess it's a good thing since we can't go to the dog park for 7-10 days.

I finally decided to cook dinner for the first time in 2 weeks. I decided I needed some brain food for all the studying I am doing/going to do this weekend. It was great. Filet for the solo dining.

Grady's Illness

2010-10-07T20:02:00.004-04:00

So, this has been going on for almost a month now. Initially I sort of ignored it and just thought it was some sort of transient virus that he had picked up at the dog park or doggie daycare. And last week I thought it was getting better but since Monday night, the cough has definitely been getting harsher, more frequent, resulting in phlegm type emesis and a generally more mellow pointer.
It has really been terribly embarrassing going out for walks this week. He hacks and hacks and people are really starting to turn and stare. My neighbor stopped and specifically asked me if he was ok.

I've done my research. I am sure the vet is going to think that I am that annoying owner that has scoured the internet for possible causes and diagnosis. Initially the reason I didn't go to the vet, besides that I am trying to not spend money on vet care, was that I thought it was just canine cough and according to the lit review that I did, it is usually caused by a virus and should clear in 14-21 days. Perfect, no need to add to antibiotic resistance. He's young, healthy and I thought he would just recover but getting worse after the 21 day mark made my antenna go up a bit. Something is just not right.

This is Grady resting on his bed while I did a few more searches on hacking coughs in dogs. This is very strange behavior on his part. I was gone for 8 hours today at school and he was not interested in playing with his toys, ie tug of war etc... tonight or the last few nights for that matter.

I was starting to get worried that perhaps he had a lung tumor but that is definitely jumping to worse case scenario. Also, the lit told me that it is rare to have a primary lung tumor and also he is really young for the big C. GSP's are not really prone to cancer. A collapsed trachea, tonsillitis, pneumonia....
The end of this very long story is that I whipped out my neonatal stethoscope and attempted to auscultate (listen to) his lung and heart sounds. He DEFINITELY has adventitious lung sounds. From my limited knowledge of canine anatomy, I think that he has bilateral inspiratory wheezes in his upper and at least middle lung fields. The lung sounds are very coarse but also song like on inspiration and from what I could hear not too much on expiration. I didn't hear a heart murmur and he had good bowel sounds. No cyanosis noted around his gums and I couldn't see his tonsils.

I'll keep you posted. We go to the vet first thing in the morning. Perhaps I should have taken the vet's advice last time and invested in canine insurance....

I'm supposed to be sleeping.

2010-10-05T22:56:00.003-04:00

I pronounced on FB that I was going to try to going to bed early. And yes, technically, this is early for me but in general not really that early. I need to get a good start on the day since I am facing a mammoth 4 hour lecture. One half of the lecture , the power point slides equalled 34 pages, 3 per page. Yeah, death by power point.

But I am not sleep tired yet so I blog when I could be using the time to study endocrine but alas, I have done my fair share of reading for today.

I had my health promotion class tonight. Now I am very opinionated about things that I hold an opinion about. Other things, I just don't really care about. But for some reason this class just gets my blood pumping. How do we change people's behavior and how do we institute change in "vulnerable" populations. If only we knew for sure, but education is not the answer.

Crime is really high in Pittsburgh. In all the things that people told me about living here, that was not included. Every time I let the local news wonder onto the TV, I get all freaked out. Then I am listening to the news in the car on the radio and I am learning about street gangs and drugs. I have to say that I am glad that I have dogs. I know that they won't attack and kill but they are a visual deterrent. People get shot left and right here. Drug busts...I tend to only wonder out in the day light but I am forced to wait at the bus stop in the dark now after class. If only the parking situation was better, I would drive.

Grady continues with his hacking cough. The entire walk tonight he sounded like a cat trying to hack up a hair ball only louder. People were probably wondering what in the world is wrong with your dog.. He's a smoker, what can I say. He lights up to pass the time I'm away at class. And no amount of smoking cessation education is going to change his mind. The nicotine calms his anxious pointer nerves.

Now I am tired. Not too bad, it is well before midnight.

Random things I noticed today...

2010-09-29T21:46:00.002-04:00

::White scrub pants with colored/flowered panties. Really, that is like the first thing you learn when one starts to dress ones self. Nude undies under anything white, especially white scrub pants. Those things are thin and definitely see through!

::A dress that looked like bedroom attire. Seriously, I did a double take. Short, satiny, and did I mention strapless. It would have been one thing if the girl looked the least bit comfortable but she was so uneasy as she and her guy walked up to the bus stop. I was wondering how in the world she was going to be able to step up onto the bus but my bus came first so I did not have to witness that horror. And really, it isn't summer anymore. Perhaps I am old and boring but I'll take warmth and comfort over trendiness.

::Everyone is in their own world, plugged into their ipods or phones. I admit I am one of them when I ride the bus.

::Some people have an awful lot of information stored in their brains. The guy who did our altered immune lecture was so smart and to boot, funny. It made the last 2 hours of lecture, dare I say, enjoyable.

::I am seriously lacking in fall shoes and coats. And don't tell me this is impossible.

One down...

2010-09-22T22:00:00.003-04:00

...many more to go. Had my first patho exam tonight. Now, I don't have my grade yet, obviously, but upon completion I do not believe the test merited my level of stress this last week. I really was contemplating what I would do if I failed. But the test was reasonable and I think I at least achieved an 80. We had lecture following the exam. I was supposed to be learning about B and T lymphocytes and how we develop immunity. Yeah, I am going to have to review that at a later date when my brain has rested.

My stress levels can return to normal and hopefully all that cortisol that was flooding my system did not mask/impede any inflammatory processes brewing. Now that I understand what happens during inflammation and infection on a cellular level it makes everything much more real to me.

No studying tonight. I instead watched Bridget Jones Diary and applied for yet another job. Tomorrow morning I have to try and figure out my stat's homework and complete a paper for my nursing role seminar. I have to address in this paper what in my nursing career is going to help and hinder my becoming an nurse practitioner and why I want to do this. These types of questions are obvious and generic and a little tedious to address but it is a required class so I bit my tongue and type out my annoyingly boring and uninspired answers.

The dogs are just fine. Continuing on with daily dog park trips. Not that I am a vet but I think Grady has a mild form of canine cough. If he was a human I would think he was a smoker hacking up a lung. Yet, we continue to PLAY.

1 Month In

2010-09-17T22:39:00.002-04:00

A talked to a dear friend on the West Coast tonight. I guessed we hadn't talked in a bit since she was surprised to hear that I was heading into my fourth week of school. And I guess technically I have been here in Pittsburgh for a month now. Wow. Only a month. In many ways it feels short and in other ways it feels like a lifetime.

I have a test this week. A big one. This particular friend was asking me if I felt a lot of self inflicted pressure to do as well as I did as an undergrad. Well, yes and no. There is a lot of pressure that is for sure. The self inflicted pressure is probably the idea that if I make it through the next 23 months and actually become a NNP, then I am going to be making major life and death decisions. I should have a good grasp on the general concepts. The external pressure comes from the fact that a failing grade is anything less then an 80! That is a B. But that kind of makes sense. I personally want that person who is caring for me to know at least 80 percent of the material presented and more like 99 % would be better.

And so I study.

The dogs had their interview at Camp Bow Wow today. That is the nearest doggie daycare/ boarding facility. The both got 5/5 tail wags and great report cards. Really, they got report cards. They made some new friends and did get a bit tired out. It's good to have the option for me and for them for some time apart if needed. Or if we get a run of bad weather days and the energy levels are just going through the roof. I know most of you who read this think I am crazy and perhaps I am but the three of us are a little family. We didn't choose for it to be this way but this is what was dealt to us. So, I make the best of it most days and doggie daycare is a must for this girl and her pups.

Oktoberfest or at least the Pittsburgh version of it is happening just a block from my apartment. The music was loud and fun as I was taking the dogs out for their last walk. You would think the one German among us might be excited to partake in his heritage but the tail went down and curled under his butt and he turned right around and started heading for home as fast as he could. He is so strange and nervous about the most random things. I feel like he has an anxiety attack about some thing at least 4-5 times a week. Grady, lighten up a bit. They were only playing the 500 miles song ( not very German, but easy to sing along too for the crowd).

And so ends my night. i finished up my studying with obstructive jaundice and I will begin my studies in the morning with coffee and some information about hepatitis. Should be a real eye opener...

Study, study, walk, walk

2010-09-14T20:57:00.002-04:00

This seems to be what my life has been reduced to recently. I have my first patho exam next week so I have been reading, trying to understand foreign concepts and actually retain some information. My 33 year old brain is RUSTY to say the least. I need some sort of material understanding and retaining pill. Is there one out there???? So, since I don't have a job I am trying to make school my full time job and be on top of my assignments. I am that older student who is obsessive. THe only difference is that I don't feel the need to ask time consuming and silly questions in class.

The dogs. THey are well. We have our first vet appointment tomorrow morning, first thing! Now, I know when I say that people automatically think that something has gone wrong and normally that might be the situation but it is just a routine appointment for yearly vaccines and to get established.... in case of an emergency. Interesting that I am getting the dogs set up with medical care before myself. I guess I just have faith that I have more of a chance of health then they do:) But seriously, we are adjusting to limited freedom and lots of leash walking. I am finding that daily trips to the dog park are very helpful for all three of us. Today we did not go and I am paying the price a bit....Grady is just like one ball of tightly wound energy. He needs his play time!

Friday, the dogs are going have an interview at a boarding/doggie day care facility. Camp BowWow. The interview is to establish that my dogs get along with other dogs. They get interviewed with a dog of similar size and sex. Then they, the 4 dogs are let into the yard and slowly other dogs are let in the yard one at a time to see how mine react and play. They have to stay for a minimum of 3 hours but can stay for up to 6. Not that I plan on sending them to day care or board them any time soon, but I want to have systems in place for when the time arises. I also have the feeling life might get crazy if I get a job and day care might be helpful for Grady. I'll keep you posted. It's such a big week for the dogs!

My dear friend Heather is coming for a visit in less then 2 weeks! How exciting! For now that is about it. It's back to cells and inflammation and GI issues and fever set point.

Today

2010-09-08T22:03:00.002-04:00

The day started with emesis, in laymen's terms, puke. I can tell which dog is vomiting without even looking. Today it was Grady. I got up and looked at what was happening and determined that the situation did not warrant immediate action so I returned to bed. Finally, after much pressure, I got up.

The morning went on as what is quickly becoming "normal". I turn on the coffee, put on something that does not look like pj's, but do no brush my hair, get the dogs leashes on, grab some bags for poo and head down stairs. Oh how I miss the days of letting them out in my own personal fenced in yard... But anyway. Then I feed them and have some coffee and breakfast. Read my bible and get going with the studying. But my 9:20, I just knew I was going to get no where until the dogs had done something active.

So, out to the car we go... to the dog park. We had a good time there. They, meaning Grady, got nice and tired. Dyllan did as well but she is able to handle her excess energy in a much better manner then he is able to do at this time. There was a sketchy guy who came with his mutt to the park when I was leaving and since there were no other dogs he left with me and just kept talking and talking to me. It was very strange. The walk back to the car is about 1/2 mile and I was nervous that he was going to see what kind of car I drove but thankfully he peeled off and continued to hike in the park.

I did get in some good studying before my 4 hour patho class. I was gone for about 5 hours. So far the dogs are handling it well. Dyllan never wants me to leave without her and she really did me in tonight by sleeping on my bed. I just washed my sheets before I left. Since I didn't have time to remake it, I left them there and she drooled and got hair all over my mattress pad. So, I wait for it to dry before I can go to bed.

Oh well. Such was my day. They are my buddies.

A New Life

2010-09-06T21:25:00.002-04:00

I had promised myself that I would start blogging again once I moved. You know, lots of new material, experiences, funny stories etc... but I have yet to put anything down into words until tonight.

:: The initial move went very smoothly. Well, as smoothly as a move of 500 miles can be. The truck was a bit late arriving in Pittsburgh due to some truck malfunctions. But everything arrived intact. That is the most important part and really the only thing that I cared about.

:: My apartment is bigger then I expected. Well, the living space is large and the bedroom is great and I can fit all my clothes and shoes in nicely. The kitchen is SO SMALL. I brought way too much stuff and I sent about 6 boxes home with mom to go back into storage.

:: Although my apartment is on the 3rd floor and I have to walk up, I love the community. It is so quiet inside. This is good not only for me but also for the dogs. It minimizes the barking and the false alarms that someone is at the door. There are tons of dogs here. Every night I feel like I am meeting new dogs and owners. The canine subculture is so funny. You usually introduce the dogs and tell their names and ages. Then, but not always, the owners introduce themselves. I have found a "doggie playgroup" unofficially that meets in the evenings behind the last building. They are mostly puppies which is great fun for Grady but Dyllan is a bit of an old woman and gets grumpy easily with the young ones.

:: School is fine. The first week is done and I hope to get into serious study mode. It is taking some getting used to to use the computers all the time for assignments and readings. One class is going to be particularly hard. A 4 hour patho lecture every Wednesday is already something I dread.

:: Overall things are going well here. I have explored the area a lot. I have found Whole Foods, the nearest dog park, Ikea, lots and lots of different shopping areas, several restaurants, attended the Pirates game, got a tour of downtown Pittsburgh, made some new friends and have seen some friends from times gone by and made a trip out to Kentucky to visit Jon in Lexington.

:: And now I am going to sign off to do about an hour more of studying before calling it a night.

Updates from 34

2010-06-25T21:17:00.013-04:00

:: Hiked 13.4 miles on Monday. I am just now getting over my soreness. WHAT. A. DAY.

:: Got into grad school, still waiting on 1 more school before I make my decision. The main thing is, I am MOVING in less then 2 months!!!!

::Picture up date of my gardens and grounds... I love to walk around and see what is blooming.

May 21, 2010

2010-05-21T22:09:00.020-04:00

Grady is so weird some times. Why he had to eat his dinner laying down tonight is beyond me. That can't be good for digestion.

The front of the house. The new path and accompanying gardens are planted, mulched and seeded. I am very happy with how it came out. But boy I am tired tonight. It was a lot of manure mulch today. If I keep going like this, I am going to have very strong arms by the end of the summer

Front right side of the house. This bed got lots of manure today.

The following pictures are all of my gardens inside my fence.

I seem to have a fungus issue going on in my yard. I promptly got something that states it will help rid me of these fungi. I have yet to see if they are dead but I will keep you posted.

Just love those brown head in the background.

I am so happy to see that these iris's are blooming and that they are a beautiful, rich purple.

Picture Update of my Gardens

2010-05-18T21:07:00.010-04:00

I just love these mini iris's. I just wish they lasted longer. Perfect garden border.

A close up of some stuff along my new pathway.

Looking from the driveway out towards the street. This bed went in last year and looking lush so far.

Foam Flower and Bleeding heart.

My new azalea is doing great so far. I just love looking out my kitchen window to see it.

The new walk, before and almost done

2010-05-13T21:08:00.008-04:00

I took these pictures this morning before I went to work. What a nice sunny day. And oh what a few hours away at work can accomplish...

I came home at 4....it is almost done and I am loving it. What a difference to have that old, heaved, concrete path gone.

A decade in Review

2010-01-03T18:14:00.003-05:00

I am not usually one to just jump on the the bandwagon but I have been doing a lot of thinking about the last 10 years the past few weeks.

10 years. I've been out of nursing school for 10 years.

1999: Graduated from Boston College 4th in my class. Passed my boards. Took a job in Boston at Beth Israel. Lived with 3 other BC graduates. I remember the build up to Y2K. I was working New Year's Eve and everyone was so nervous about what was going to happen. Would all the monitors just collapse??? But as it turned out nothing happened.

2000: Moved to my second apartment in a different part of Boston with 2 of the same roommates and one Texan. Started attending CFCF and made tons of great friends that I am in contact with to this very day. Continued to work at BIDMC. Started growing tired of working 3 weeks days/ 3 weeks night.

2001: Took a new job at Harvard Vanguard. My first regular 8-4 job, had my own office and was allowed to wear "normal" clothes to work. Continued to live in Brighton. Led Faithgroup and together with my roommates threw tons of great parties and get togethers. My first trip to Italy with my family. Helped my mom move her parents out of their home into a semi-assisted living. 911

2002: Decided I was tired of snow, moved to Texas. Met Christian when he came to visit Jon. Worked at a job I hated. A short-lived attendance to bible school. Nordberg/Fox Thanksgiving at our apartment in Fort Worth. Attended a soccer game for Laura.

2003: My aunt died after a long battle with breast cancer in January. Changed jobs to work in the NICU. Finally I started to like being a nurse. Saw Christian again for a second time at a family reunion at the flow in July for a day. We decided to purposely stay in touch. Continued with phone calls, letters, emails from Texas to South Korea. I was invited to attend a rugby match in October to see Christian and meet his parents in Seattle. November, was asked to come to Korea for a visit. Worked Christmas and flew out to South Korea just in time for New Years. Slightly panicked on my way over realizing I hadn't really spent any time alone with this guy and I was committed to 3 weeks.

2004: New Years in Seoul. Lots of sightseeing. 4 day trip to China. Climbed the Great Wall. Continued to work in the NICU and loved it. June- returned for 1 week to South Korea for another visit. Christian came home for 2 weeks in July/ August. Family reunion at camp again and trip to WI. Lucky me, was able to meet the ENTIRE family in on evening ( all 40 of them at once). Rode a motorcycle for the first time. September, decided to become a travel nurse. Headed off to Northern CA to work at Stanford for 3 months. October, returned to Seattle for the rugby tournament. Time with good friends and a few dates with Christian. November, mom came out for a visit and my birthday. December, Christian returned for good from the ROK. Fox/ Nordberg Christmas and trip to NYC. Christian met up with us in the big apple.

2005: Christian started the captain's course in Alabama. I decided not to be a travel nurse and stayed at home and worked per diem in the local ER. Realized my blood had thinned a lot living in a more mild climate for 2.5 years. Attended a wedding with Christian in WI and wondered if we would get married. April- that question was answered and we were engaged. Found out that he was going to be deployed for 1 year. Lots of talks about if we should get married before or after. May, my first trip to Alabama. That was a life experience. Tried to take care of Christian after he got his wisdom teeth out. Terrible patient. Didn't listen to a thing I suggested. June- helped Christian move, road trip up the east coast visiting good friends. Trip to WI and a heart wrenching goodbye. July, 3 week trip to Spain with lots of teenagers. It was a testing time for me. August, decided to take another travel position in Northern VA. We thought we were going to be stationed there when he got back the following year. October, my maternal grandfather died. November, on my birthday, my maternal grandmother died and mom got me Dyllan for my birthday.

2006: Wedding plans in full swing. Returned to VA for 5 more months to work. May, paternal grandfather died unexpectedly. 2 bridal showers. June, Christian returned and I found out we were not going to VA or Germany but Italy. July, we got married, went on a honeymoon to Antigua, visited WI for a reception out there, a road trip with a car full of presents to NNY. The movers arrived for my stuff. Headed to NYC and left from JFK. Entered military life, entered married life, moved to a foreign country, got a second dog ( I have to claim that was my decision), made lots of new friends, took many road trips all over Europe. December, mom came for a visit. Our first Christmas as a married couple.

2007: Continued with lots of traveling in Europe. Christian continued in command. I became very involved in PWOC. We loved life as we were living it in Northern Italy. January, the Skoglund's came for a visit. February, I returned to the states for a girls weekend. March, went skiing in the Alps and had tons of visitors. Did lots of gardening that spring. Louisa visited that month. July, we returned home for 2 weeks at the lake and in NYC. The Skoglund's came out and rented a cabin. We did lots of swimming, hiking, eating, hanging out etc... Went to Jersey Boys in NYC. September, Christian started being gone a lot. Did vendor check in at the base bazaar. November, Christian was killed. Both families came to Italy. Attended 2/5 services. Packed up my house and life, and left it all by the beginning of December. Flew to NYC, drove to NNY. Flew to Racine, attended a memorial service. Flew to DC, attended another funeral service and a burial service. Drove back to NNY in a blizzard. Had Christmas. Lame.

2008: January- went to St. Kitts to be warm and visit Jon. Maja came for a few days. End to the month first job interview at West Point. I was offered the job and declined. February, visited the Skoglunds in Racine. It was FRIGID. Returned to NY and went to NYC for another job interview at NYP for a NICU position. I was offered the job. I took it, initially. March, went to Cancun with two of my best friends. April, road trip to SC. Stopped to visit the Stories and my aunt. My debit card number was stolen at this time. 2000 dollars of taken from my checking account. Thankfully I got it back. May, family time on Hilton Head Island. It was nice and warm. Decided not to go to NYC for the job. End of the month, put an offer on my current house. June, Rachael visited for a few weeks. Closed on my house. July, started painting, had lots of trees cut down, renovations begun. Started working at CPH in July. August, Kay, Phil and Erik visited and attended a rugby tournament in Lake Placid. Christian was honored during the event. Maja visited. Continued training for Army 10-miler. October, working in OB and went to DC for race. November, returned to St. Kitts for a family week away. Monday night Madness was started at my house by cousin Laura.

2009: January, Mom had surgery and it was discovered she had cancer. February, visited Maja in WI for her birthday. End of February Mom left for NYC to be treated at Sloan. I went per diem and spent a good part of the spring in the city, living at Hope Lodge and keeping mom company during her radiation therapy. May, started working in AMS. Best decision. July, went to DC for a third job interview for a NICU position. Decided I didn't want to live in the DC area. August, withdrew from Army -10 miler due to some joint issues. Trip to Seattle to visit Claire. It was a great time on the West Coast. Attended a wedding of some old friends of Christian's. October, left for 2 weeks to go to Hawaii to visit a good friend and get some sun and warmth. Also, Grady tried to poison himself and then both dogs went to doggie boot camp Best idea ever. Dogs are much better behaved. Mid-November, attended wedding in NYC. Thanksgiving and then Christmas.

Now it is January 2010. Wow. The first half of the decade was ok but the last several years have been filled with traumatic events. I could use a little even keel this year and a more mild climate. Let the travels for 2010 begin next weekend.

Holiday Time

2009-12-25T13:30:00.024-05:00

Jon waiting patiently while the girls shopped.

Pondering the great, great shoe selection. I love this store. Do I see more trips to Burlington in my future.

Jon and I playing with my camera while shopping in Burlington.

Good friends. Ethan, Ryan and Jon. Love the bright green sweater. Very festive.

At church last night. Mom, dad and Ethan sang in the special choir.

Jon had a little procedure the other day. Pondering

There was canine resistance to photography last night.

Grady just refusing to look at the camera

The family pic for the season.

I got a Wii for Christmas. Fun times to be had.

For some reason, Otis is tucked in on Christmas Eve. Jon babies him.

Dogs, dogs everywhere. Dad is having some sort of dialogue with Roger

This is my graduation present for Jon. A little early but it is chilly up here. Can't have too much carhart.

Grady detects that there might be something in the stockings for him.

Various stocking stuffers. Kind of looks like Jon is picking Ethan's nose...

I knit all the boys of the Nordberg family hats for the Christmas. Thankfully, they all fit the guys

Opening stockings

Thanks Skoglund family for all the fun gifts. Love the coffee. The gift that keeps on giving.

Dad's new toy. Lots of room on his hard drive

Accessories for my new Wii

Sweaters from Jon all the way from Mongolia.

A New Season

2009-12-01T20:34:00.003-05:00

It is a new season of "obedience" here at 34. The dogs have returned from doggie boot camp. The question that everyone is asking is, "Are they perfect?". Hummm.... far from it but getting better. The days of sleeping on the couches are over. Dyllan is not that into that new rule. Multiple times a day, she walks over to the couch, places her snout on the couch and just looks at me only the way a chocolate labs could. I resist those big, brown, watery eyes with a simple, no. She gives up for the time being but returns to try again. I have a feeling she is on the couch out back when I go to work but I can't do anything about that. It is a big improvement and my couches are practically fur free. Grady doesn't really care about the couches. I brought one bed into the living room and he is completely satisfied to be near but on the ground level.

I learned from my first training session when I pick the dogs up that Grady has a shy personality and Dyllan has a happy-go-lucky/hyper personality.

I have been educated that the shy dog personality means that the dog lack self-confidence. I can see that now that reflect on Grady and his craziness. I have always felt like he was a nervous nelly. But I think he is finding confidence in the training. Today we had a breakthrough! We went out on our training walk and went towards downtown. The first lady we met walking, I made him sit and she stopped as neared us. She ask me if she could pet him and I said yes. Grady did great. He stood for a moment and then sat down while she petted him. No barking, no jumping, no craziness. She said he was beautiful and that she would give him an A+ for behavior. WOW! I was actually impressed as well. He got lots of "good boy, good job Grady!? ( Imagine a slightly high pitched, encouraging voice). We continued on and the next girl we met, I made him lay down on the ground and he didn't move as she passed. She also voiced how impressed she was with his good behavior. I was encouraged. He did all his commands great and consistently on our walk. He still has to go in the crate when I leave him at home. I don't trust him. I have a major investment in him now and I don't want him poisoning himself anymore. I just can't afford anymore trips to the vet.

Dyllan did not have a good day. When I was out with Grady, she again got into the closet and tried to dump her food again. Since this is the 3rd attempt at stealing food, the container has been moved behind a door that cannot be pushed open. Other then that, she is stubborn. She knows what to do but takes her merry time fulfilling the commands. But I keep working. I see a major improvement with her on leash and for that I am thankful.

Overall, the dogs are vastly improved. It was a worthwhile investment. I have to return on Saturday to get the e-collars for the dogs and be trained on how to use it. The trainer assured me that this will solve my off leash issues. They still have selective hearing when we are in the woods and they are off leash.

That's it for tonight. It is a dawn of a new era.

Vote for Us

2009-11-17T13:30:00.001-05:00

"Grady, Dyllan, Otis"

enter your own dog

Reflections

2009-11-13T02:18:00.004-05:00

It is odd to me that I am somewhere high, high in the sky and writing a blog. But what should one do when the journey cross country has just begun. Four and a half hours doesn't see like any thing when I am on the ground but in the air the time seems to just drag.

I feel as though most people are wondering/ expecting some sort of expos`e about my reflection of another year gone by. I have ceased to discuss feelings, frustrations, and disappointments. Life is life. I was no sadder on November 8th 2009 then I was on November 8th 2007. The only difference between the two is that November 8, 2007 is when life as I now know it began. I live this reality day in and day out with an underlying feeling of sadness. But I will say, I do take steps to combat anything that might surprise me on specific dates. This time I went to a spa for the day and did not answer my phone. Thank you for all those who did call, text and facebook. Your thoughts and the fact that you actually remembered really means a ton to me.

I just spent 2 weeks living with a great friend and her family on a military base. It was easy. It was nice. They have a great house on post. During my time living a semi- military life for a few weeks there was a helicopter crash. My friends knew one of the guys who died and the shooting at Fort Hood occurred. Not a great military week.

Being in the military is tough and demanding but being married into the military is hard. Don't get me wrong it is personal choice for everyone. My friend is a strong Army wife. She knows the ins and the outs of the system. She knows what to do in the midst of a crisis and not fall completely apart herself. She ministers to younger spouses so naturally. On the home front she is homeschooling her two older kids and trying to keep up with a very, very busy and verbal toddler, all while her husband is deployed for 1 yr. 12 months, that is a long, long time. When I hear wives complaining about their husbands being gone a night, a few days, a week, ect, I think to myself you should really go visit one of my military friends,then you won't be so quick to complain.

This is just one story of one family but I was reminded how much the families of the service members truly give and sacrifice for the benefit of the country on a daily basis. And for that I am very thankful.

She is a RAT! A dirty, rotten, rat.

2009-09-30T21:49:00.003-04:00

The Offense. For those of you who don't know what you are looking at, that is a 30 gallon, steel garbage can that houses the dog's food in my back closet. Dyllan has figured out how to open the doors. Last Friday she got into the extra food that was behind it and gorged herself to the point of vomiting while I was at work. Tonight, she opened the door, knocked over the garbage can and gorged on the food. The can was full of food, not light but I guess she was determined. I was SO, SO mad. Twice in less then a week. I guess she is fasting again for a few days. I also think she might spend some time in her crate while I'm at work tomorrow.

The consequence of Dyllan's action. Poor Grady flees to the crate when I am mad at them and I am pretty sure he didn't do this terrible thing. He is not that interested in stealing his own food. He usually only steals human food. I look at Dyllan and she resembles the Tomford's Pigmy goat. More round then it is tall. She looks terrible and I am really going to rage I awake at 0430 to multiple piles of vomit again.

Bulbs, Bulbs, Bulbs

2009-09-30T15:00:00.007-04:00

May Romance Tulip Collection is housed in all these little brown bags.

A total of 108 bulbs planted in this bed amongst other baby perennials.

Hopefully mine will look something like this come May.

Tantalizing Tulip Duo- I have 72 of these bulbs yet to plant. These will go opposite the May Romance collection. All tulips are to be behind the gate to protect them from the deer.

Narcissus A Golden Legacy Mixture- 200 huge bulbs planted in the new front bed. These are poisonous to deer and squirrels so I think they are safe. The only problem is that it only filled up half the bed. I thought 200 would be enough but I underestimated the size and my desire to make a big statement. "Go big or go home".

I have unwilling started to put my pots away. This is what I got done yesterday and when I counted the pots still remaining out in the yard with plants in them, I have 20 more to put away. I just can't do it yet. My plants are all still alive and well. It makes me sad to rip them out and discard them just because. So, I wait a bit longer for the rest.

The Evolution of 34

2009-09-29T20:09:00.018-04:00

Shortly after the winter thaw. Things were looking pretty bleak.

These were probably taken in June at some point. Wow. Even I am impressed as I look back.

End of the season. I took these a few weeks ago. Everything great wonderfully this season. The yard has come a long way.

The current back door decor.

Seriously!

2009-09-14T20:48:00.002-04:00

This past week I have received 3 letters from the IRS in Christian's name. It was a survey. It had something to do with filling taxes and living overseas. The first letter told me a survey was coming and I ignored it. The next thing that arrived was the survey itself. Really! The next thing that arrived was a second survey stating they had send Christian one and that they hadn't received it yet, so here was another one.

I tried calling and couldn't get through so this was the email I sent:

I am the wife of Captain Christian P. Skoglund and I have received 1 letter and 2 surveys from your firm. My husband was killed in a blackhawk accident in November 2007. No taxes have been filled in his name for over a year now. That is pretty sad that the IRS doesn't even know who is alive or dead.

Please refrain from sending me any more survey's or letters for my dead husband.

This firm's response:

Thank you for letting us know and we apologize for the inconvenience. You should receive no further correspondence on this survey.

They need to do their homework a bit better. I have to admit I was tempted to fill it out and send it in. But I am a law abiding citizen and I figured that might be illegal. Perhaps since I am still alive I should refrain from paying anymore taxes and see what happens.

This never ends. I am always being reminded that I am indeed a widow.

2009-09-10T16:58:00.000-04:00

Around Here

2009-08-15T09:09:00.002-04:00

I've settled into the rhythm of summer here in Northern NY. I go to work on Monday and Thursday and sometimes another day here or there. I water and weed my gardens. Mow the lawn, exercise the dogs, go to spin class, attempt to run (mostly unsuccessful in this endeavor), hang out with family and friends that come to visit. I have braved the cold waters of the flow (with a wetsuit) to do some waterskiing and have taken my float out on the sunny days to work on my tan. I've seen several movies and dined out with good friends who live here. Life is good.

Overall it has been a nice summer. I know I and most of the people from the North Country have complained about the chilly, wet summer we have had up until this week but the rhythm has been pleasant. I was at a wedding shower yesterday morning and was asked what trips I have taken this summer and surprisingly I had to say none. Yes, I did head to Montreal at the beginning of July but for some reason that doesn't count as a trip, it was more like a getaway. But this week I head out to the west coast to visit a dear, dear friend and to attend a wedding ( an old, dear friend of Christian's). I am looking forward to the trip, to seeing Claire's new home and visiting a city that holds good memories for me. The dogs will head to the kennel for 6 days so yesterday and today they will accompany me to camp for the day.

I would write more since so much more has happened but I must sign off and head out to camp. The flow has warmed this week with all the 80 degree days and I am looking forward to an entire, uninterrupted day in the sun.

S/P Canine vs. Motor Vehicle

2009-07-19T08:52:00.002-04:00

Subjective: "Grady, Grady, no, get back here. The car was speeding down the road going way faster then the suggested 30 MPH and there was a fluffy white dog being walked by it's owner on the opposite side of the road."

Objective: Nearly three year old German Shorthair Pointer escaped from owner's dwelling place at approximately 2040 last evening, barking, racing towards the street in attempts to cross to interact with the dog on a walk. Owner was putting stuff away in her garage ( so she didn't look like quite the hobo it appeared she was becoming) and had apparently left the door to the house ajar. The GSP with supersonic hearing and sight took the opportunity to vacate the premises. He had run into the street the previous night but did not get hit at that time. The owner took this as a sign and walked all dogs on a leash the entire day. As GSP jetted across the street a white/silver sedan came very quickly down the road and car and dog impacted directly across from owner's dwelling. GSP ricocheted off the car and landed several feet away on his backside. GSP immediately jumped to his feet and ran down the owner's driveway and back into the house. Quivering he just stood in the kitchen. Owner called parents home for the human surgeon to come assess canine. Meanwhile, EMT from across the street heard accident from inside her home and came to offer assistance. On call vet also called at this time.

Assessment: Canine was observed to walk, lay down and stretch without gross deformity to any limbs or joints. The only blood as discovered on the inner aspect of hind left leg. A superficial abrasion. Spine appears intact. No s/s of pain or discomfort. Heart and lungs auscultated with pedi scope. Lung sound clear bilaterally. Heart rate regular. Active bowel sounds noted. Mucous membranes pink and moist. Pupils equal and reactive. It appears GSP was struck by speeding car without sustaining any life threatening injuries. Canine voiding without difficulty and tolerated am feeding.

Plan: Keep all canines quiet and inside today. Walk on leash at all times. Make sure back door to house is alway shut. Obtain remote training collar from 42 house and use to train GSP that the road is off limits no matter what is on the other side.

Updates from 34

2009-07-17T21:34:00.007-04:00

Dyllan hurt her hip or knee about 2-3 weeks ago. She has been on severely limited activity. But even before this, i didn't let her jump out of the car and she can't get herself in. So, I have been lifting her in and out. So, I decided it was time for a ramp. But my dogs are completely wimpy and nervous about things like this. So, today we have been having a few training sessions to learn the ramp protocol. Dyllan is very hesitant but if bribed with enough food and treats I can get her to go up and down. Grady refuses to be motivated by food and just hops in and out. I can only focus on one at a time.

Note: Grady is in the car and completely uninterested in the treats or learning how to use the ramp to get out of the car.

So, I was not really planning on doing any lawn projects but it had been a few weeks since I had planted anything and Jon was home, so the last two days I did lots of outdoor ventures. I had been planning on planting a small ornamental tree in the corner of the left side of the house and moving the random iris's around them. And since mom has started a "big dig" at her house, there is lots of free dirt available. So, the brothers brought me one load of dirt, then we headed off too Willow Tree. I had a gift certificate so I was able to get a hydrangea tree and shrub and one cubic yard of crushed gravel (for the start of my dog kennel project). Jon did the digging and planting of the tree and shrub. He also dug up the iris's for me and I replanted them. Some out front and the rest along house, inside the fence. I still have one more bed that I am saving for the perennials that mom is going to give me. We are also starting on the dog kennel that will be behind the garage. Chris and I did one cubic yard of gravel yesterday and I had one more delivered today and I alone hauled it to the back and spread it. I am a bit tired tonight!

Here are a few lame pictures of last Saturday at the craft fair in Potsdam. I was helping my friend Carol with her booth. It was much cuter in person and it was fun until the floods came in the early afternoon. If anyone is looking for custom cards or invites, she is your person.

Things that drive a Widow crazy

2009-06-22T15:07:00.003-04:00

Really, does it all have to be so hard! I am not even talking about emotionally just the nuts and bolts of dealing with stuff when a person dies.

It all began a few weeks ago when I noticed my checks from my primary account were getting low. I had a whole box when I got back from Europe so I didn't bother to do anything about it. Last year the people at the bank assured me all I had to do was fax in the death certificate when I felt up to it and they would remove his name from the account. Simple enough. Time came, needed checks, thought it was a good time to get the correct address on my checks. So, I called, got the fax number and sent the needed paper work. Today, go to order checks, Christian's name is still on there. What is the deal!

I called, the girl was confused but ordered me checks with only my name and new address but then sent me on to some other bank specialist to get "the problem" resolved. After a long time of waiting in silence, the new lady tells me, yes the paper work has been received and she was going "to look" into the "problem" if I could just wait a little longer. Hummmmm, yes, I will wait, I have nothing better to do, right? (Note, it is finally sunny and warm out for like the first time all summer) So, I wait and watch the sun from inside.
The second lady come back and tells me, his name cannot be removed since he was the primary account holder. Now, if I had died, it would have been no problem to remove my name. Lovely. But this is not the scenario that we are dealing with currently so why did she even have to mention that small detail. Of course she tells me it has something to do with the government. I reply with the obvious fact, he is dead, how could he still own an account? In my mind that statement makes sense and one would think when a joint account is no longer joint, it could just be switched over to a single one but why take the easy route. We all need a bit more paper work in our lives. I mean, I sure do. Give me more papers and numbers to keep track of, please!

The long and short of it is, I have to open a completely new "individual account" so that I am established as the primary holder, get all new cards, info, checks etc... Then when that all arrives in the mail, then I can switch over my money, call the insurance part of the bank and get all my car, house, jewelry policies switched over to my "individual" account and I'll be all set.

This is the stuff that drives a widow to snap like a jack in the box. Life should not have to be this complicated.

The Rat

2009-06-20T23:39:00.002-04:00

Last night I came home from the movies to find a neighborhood cat guarding it's dead prey on my driveway. Needless to day, the cat fled and left it's catch behind. YUCK.....

So, I did what any normal girl would do, and left it there. I was hoping deep down inside that the cat would return for his prey and the problem would be solved.

The cat never returned, or at least he didn't return for the rat! So, I was in and out of my driveway all day long and I may have run over it a few times but I really tried to miss it. And not make the killing worse then it was.

Finally tonight I gathered up my courage, walked determinedly to the end of the driveway and scooped up the dead rat into a plastic bag and got rid of the fly ridden thing. I am kind of grossed out that there are rats in the vicinity of my house. But I guess as long as I don't find any inside, I will survive!

The Happenings

2009-06-18T22:48:00.003-04:00

:: I just sat down on the couch and have lost all my motivation for vacuuming. I really need to complete that task before I head to bed, so here I am blogging!

:: I'm having a lunch party tomorrow. I've done most of the prep tonight. SHould be a fun afternoon and I am looking forward to time with friends. Too bad it isn't really going to be the best weather for eating outside.

:: I am happy for the rain now that I have fresh sod, it may help with the watering for a few days.

:: I was on Fort Drum today. In some ways/many ways I really miss military life. Every one was being so polite and saying say Ma'am, how is your day Ma'am. Can I help you out with your groceries Ma'am..... How refreshing!

:: Work was a bit crazy today. My IV stats are improving drastically!

:: My friend Heather is coming to visit in a few weeks, YEAH!

:: The dogs don't like not being able to go out in the backyard. Oh well, life is tough sometimes!

::This bereavement stuff just seems to get harder, sometimes I wish I just lived in a movie where the ending is happy. (Failure to Launch is on right now)

::Back to chores... If only the place could stay clean for a few months at a time!!!

Yard Installation

2009-06-17T20:42:00.004-04:00

Here are just a few pictures I took this morning before the sod was laid. The flowers are starting to come along nicely.

All this went into my yard! If you scroll back a few posts you will see the before and this is the after. It is so nice to look out and see green.

More Planting...

2009-06-12T20:17:00.008-04:00

As I attempt to figure out what to do with all the "decorative" signs Christian left for me, I am slowly putting them out in the yard/garden. I am a bit nervous about having this particular one out since I live in such a vastly liberal area. But Christian really like this one and had it at the entrance to the downstairs in Italy. Perhaps it could be a good warning sign that I have dogs??? Does the beautiful pot of flowers soften the message, maybe???

We had this one hanging in the basement with a set of cycle pipes. I think I might even have the pipes in the garage but that might be a bit much for a house that is inhabited by a girl and one that doesn't even ride/drive a harley.

The pictures don't demonstrate all the hard work I did today. You can't tell but I planted 20+ plants in amongst the hostas this afternoon! I dug up and transplanted 5 bleeding hearts and 1 large viburnum from mom's house, 8 astilbe, 4 clumps of mini iris', 2 digitalis and a few other things that I can't remember the names. Good things I kept the tags. Shade gardens really limit choices. Mom came over this evening after dinner to survey the planting and the verdict, "Looks great! You don't need to buy any more plants." She has so much more to give me from her garden for my sun beds, once they are really to be planted.

Am I becoming, "The Big Dig"?

2009-06-11T20:49:00.008-04:00

This view is from my deck, 3 more cedars along the back and wow, the yard looks so big without grass. It was tilled and a lot of top soil was spread. I am praying that it doesn't rain tonight so that I can get the sod put down tomorrow morning.

A new step, an actual step was put on today. So much better.

All these hostas were moved from various places in my yard to make one large "hosta bed". I am going to tuck other things like bleeding hearts, astilbe, maybe some digitalis for height. But the bulk of the planting is done on this side. What a difference!

Martha vs. Liz

2009-06-10T21:32:00.004-04:00

This morning, after days and days of thinking I should really get to it, I embarked on the making of the buttermilk blueberry scones recipe that I found in the last issue of Martha Stewart's magazine. I bought amazing blueberries up in Massena and they sat in the fridge for days, If I didn't make them today, the berries were going to be a waste of money. So, I rolled up my sleeves and started. I don't know about others but I find Martha's recipes time and step intensive. So of course it didn't come out quite the same, but you be the judge.

Martha's Scones

VS

Liz's Scones

*******So, although they don't look quite as professional, they tasted GREAT. I really love scones.

Thoughts

2009-06-09T18:20:00.003-04:00

I attended my first funeral service since the 5 I attended for my own husband. I was pondering this last night as I tried to figure out how I was feeling about going to this service today. Wow, 5 services I attended for Christian. 5 services spread out over a month's time, how in the world did I survive? Looking back it almost seems humanly impossible for a person to bear that much grief but here I am 19 months later. 19 months ago was to date, the worst day of my life. It seems so weird to write 19 months. He's been dead for longer then we were married yet I miss him just the same.

A learning experience. I was talking to someone recently and I made the comment that the one thing that I have learned about myself through this whole ordeal (that I didn't know before) has been that I can survive a lot more then I ever knew that I could. Now, I wouldn't say that I am thriving but I get up every morning, attend to my ADL's (activities of daily life, ie shower, brush my teeth), pay bills, maintain my house, go to work a little, and garden like a manic person.

I have learned a lot though about people, emotions and how to act and react. I guess I must be doing ok (or better) since one of my co-workers commented on Monday after I stated I was getting annoyed about something that she was surprised. She didn't think I got frustrated with those I worked with. She thought I had great patience with people. I won't go further, those who know me well are probably just as surprised about this as I am. Maybe, just maybe I am growing a little bit of mercy and grace towards mankind. One of Christian's strongest points was his eternal patience with almost all people around him. It was amazing. Perhaps, hopefully, in our short time together, he rubbed off on me a little.

Anyway, I digress. Death stings and is so hard no matter how you cut it. Whether it was expected or unexpected, the outcome is the same. The gapping hole that used to be that person remains where your loved one, friend, spouse, mother, father, sister or brother once was.

I will say, for the first time since Christian died I can really say that the hope of the resurrection feels like a true hope and for that I am thankful. Tomorrow I may not feel as hopeful but today it feels real. I am thankful that November 8th was not the final end for Christian's life but that at some other point in eternity he will thrive again and all that was inside of him, his hopes, dreams, adventures, talents will all be realized and experienced as he had always wanted them to.

Picture Update

2009-06-03T22:15:00.007-04:00

THis is how the side looked at 5 am today. My what a few hours and 4 strong guys doing the digging can get you.

This was an accident, cool but weird.

Randomness

2009-05-29T23:00:00.002-04:00

:: I am paying the price for all my craziness yesterday. My body is just so sore from moving huge pots filled to the brim with soil, plants and water. And of course I couldn't get the small bags of potting soil. I had to go for the gusto and get the 2 cubic foot bags. Lugging them in and out of the car and around the garden, just a little too much for the lower back.

::My tooth is starting to feel better. No searing pain just a dull aching soreness.

::I haven't worked out in 3 days. My endodontist told me to avoid cardiovascular activity for a few days. Weird. I never thought about it but to increase the heart rate can increase the pain and prolong the healing I guess.

::I have done a ton of cooking the last few days. I really do love to cook, just not when it is only me. So, when I want to cook, I just invite people over. I tried 3 new recipes and each came out great! Yummy.

::I really do love my kitchen. And I am so happy with all my choices. It would be nice to have some sort of seating in the actual kitchen but it would probably be awkward.

:: I am hoping to see the sun a little tomorrow.

:: The backyard project is going to be started midweek. The 7 arborvitae will be planted along the side fence to create a hedge/ privacy feel to begin with and the rest will follow thereafter. Not sure what "the rest" entails. More on that at a later time.

:: I am supposed to have jury duty the second week of June. Yuck. Hopefully I can get out of it.

Plants, plants, plants...

2009-05-28T23:15:00.005-04:00

About 100 plants were delivered to my home late this afternoon. How exciting! I knew they were going to arrive at some point today but it wasn't until about 4:30 that the UPS guy pulled up and delivered my much anticipated blooms. I have to say, some of the plants didn't weather the trip very well and lots were root bound but I feel like it is going to be alright in the end. I was slightly panicked and determined that all plants had to be potted TONIGHT, fertilized and watered. Goal achieved and all were potted and out by 9:30, just in time for the hard rain to begin again. Several pots are questionable but mom assessed the situation when she came over for dinner and assured me that in the end, it was going to be alright. I think if I go to this extent next year, I will just stay local with my annual purchases. But it is just the beginning of the growing season and I look forward to seeing how all these little plants grow and flourish. I'll keep you posted.

Love these! What great color.

Garden updates

2009-05-26T09:51:00.007-04:00

If you compare, things have really grown in the last few weeks. The rain has been great! It was fun to come home yesterday and walk around my gardens to see all the wonderful changes. Gardening can be so rewarding. I do need to do some weed whacking and perhaps some mowing and vacuuming of the helicopters that are all over the place but other then that, so far so good.

My peonies are looking good and they finally have buds! It is going to be wonderful in June when peonies and lilies are blooming.

My rose bushes are doing pretty well so far. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much they have grown in the week I have been away. The one on the right is much smaller then the other two. I wonder if Grady peed on it throughout the winter. Either way, it is doing much better then last week.

More Spring Gardens

2009-05-13T22:59:00.008-04:00

I completed the one mulching task that I wanted to before the rain and company come tomorrow. The rest can wait until I return from Hilton Head. The empty pots throughout the garden will be filled after memorial day. I can't wait. I can't talk about the front of the house or the prospect of sod in the back yet because I just don't know what is happening with that.
__________________________________________________________
The driveway side of the house. The hostas are doing great and further down are lily of the valley which are going to be amazing in the next week.

Pre-mulch picture. I also need to perfect my edging skills. It looks a lot better now that it is completely mulched.

It looks like I used 2 shades of mulch but it is all the same. I mulched half a few days ago and then the mulch today was wet. After the rain tomorrow, it will all blend together. Also, I guess I am going for a "shabby chic" look with the peeling paint on the garage.

Hopefully the rectangle pot is going to grow coleus. I planted the seeds a few weeks ago, nothing is budding yet. Fingers crossed.

The cream and green pot houses the clematis that survived the winter and then grew without water or light for a few months. It was a fun surprise. I am hoping it grows up the side of the fence as the summer progresses.

Spring Gardens

2009-05-12T00:11:00.005-04:00

I spent the morning working outside in the beautiful sunlight. I mowed my sparse grass, if you can even call it that. The front is better then the back and it is going to get worked on but it was getting so long that I just had to cut it. It looks a lot better even though there are tons of bare spots. I also wielded the weedwacker like an novice but the job was done with minimal bare spots created.
I was also able to edge around my back garden and finish planting the border plants ( I can't think of the name right now) and used all the mulch I had around. I need so much more mulch but it just makes everything seem so nice once it is down.
I have to admit to being an impatient gardner. I want everything to bloom and be beautiful like yesterday but on the other hand it is so rewarding to spend hours outside and see beauty emerge. I was sad to see the afternoon draw near and return to the indoors to get ready to go to work. Oh well. I have to get more mulch tomorrow and finish that project and I am done until I get back from HHI. My plants from White Flower farm are going to be shipped 5/26. Can't wait to get those going. I am so my mother's daughter.
Plants got covered tonight- probably one of the final frosts of the season, hopefully...
*************************************
I am sad, the white porcelain pot that is on the ground is filled with a variety of coleus. I broke off the stem of a beautiful deep purple/burgundy colored coleus. It will grow back but will take awhile. I just planted these today so they are young and not very flowy. It is going to be amazing in a month.

I obviously need some new grass/ sod. But other then that I am trying a few new set ups as the days are getting warmer and more sunny.

My crabapple tree is just amazing now a days. I love the delicate pink buds. It is just so neat to see it change from day to day.

I live amongst savages!

2009-05-06T19:30:00.003-04:00

:: Just a brief note, this entry might not be for all people.

As I reported yesterday, Grady has been stalking/hunting/digging/pointing at something under the deck for the last day if not the last few days. It was really amazing to watch him point so determinedly at the deck. Anyway, I was outside spreading mulch when a small brown furry creature came darting out and Grady being completely alert and ready grabbed the now screaming creature and ran to the back of the yard.

I then, screamed and ran inside, slamming the sliding door so the dogs didn't bring the injured thing inside. I immediately called Laura and explained the situation to her all the while watching Grady pick the thing up and then drop it. Dyllan then grabbed it and I think fatally wounded it. It was terrible to watch. After I got off the phone, I went out to get the dogs to come in. Dyllan came right in but I had go go half way across the yard to get Grady to obey. It looked to me to be a small rabbit but it could have been some sort of hedge hog or mole. I didn't want to get to close. Whatever it was I knew was not going to live long at this point.

I secured the dogs inside and ran across the street to see if I could get the young paramedic who lives on the corner to come get the thing out of my yard. I didn't want to go near it. I was having flash backs to when Grady caught his first bird. He brought it inside to show me in Italy and then took it outside to eat it. I called Christian in a panic and he told me to let Grady have it since he was after all, "a bird dog". Not really sure that Grady was bred to kill and eat but anyway, I digress. My neighbor wasn't home so I crossed back to my house and found the neighbor's cat eyeing the creature from the other side of the fence. Grady was going ballistic inside so I let them both out and he ate it. GROSS. I feel badly for the furry thing but it shouldn't have run out while the dogs were in the yard. I hope I don't find/smell babies under the deck at a later time. I am really hoping I don't discover any vomit in the next 24 hours.

My final thought on the situation...I sure hope they never turn on me. I'd be toast. I keep reminding them, "you don't bite the hand that feeds you". Hopefully, they take that mantra to heart.

My day

2009-05-05T20:43:00.002-04:00

Tuesday night and I am sitting on my couch, with Grady curled up beside me. He is a good rest for my elbow and is keeping me warm. He and I have had an interesting day. It was going ok until about 1om when he and Dyllan decided they had had enough with the inside organization. It was time to go to the island for some ball launcher and swimming. So, like a good pet owner, I gave in and off we went. We picked up Otis on the way who is just so scared of Grady and refused to get in the car on his own.

There is something going on underneath my deck. As soon as I let the dogs out, they run and crouch down and peer under the rotting step. Grady is so sure there is something to be gotten under there that he has refused to go to the bathroom, he just peers with unwavering determination. He did some digging as well trying to get closer to whatever it is under there. I am wondering if it is a snake. Mom thought it might be a bunny with babies. Who knows, it is silent whatever it maybe. I did spread pepper in hopes of preventing more digging and holes. I mean I know I am going to have landscaping done but I don't want the whole yard destroyed.

I have having frequent coughing attacks. I had a poor night's sleep, hopefully tonight will be better. I didn't work out at all today and yesterday was marginal. I just feel like if I can't breath very well right now, I will obtain no cardiovascular benefit by trying to push myself. I really need to get running. I am going to be in a bathing suit in less then two weeks!

Although it doesn't look like it to the general public, I did a lot of sorting and organizing today. There is still stuff everywhere but i know I made progress since I took 2 garbage bags to the trash and I have an over flowing bin for my yard sale. There is only 1 load of laundry that remains undone and I am almost done with guest room. My office is still overwhelming! I had no idea that I kept all those text books. Now, if I want to go back to school, should I keep them or are they totally out of date since I graduated 10 yrs ago! I can't believe it has been a decade. It feels like a lifetime since I was a college student.

Outside

2009-05-03T08:40:00.003-04:00

Sunday mornings are the best times to watch HGTV. It is all about landscaping for the first several hours of the morning. Just what I need right now, maybe. Some of the yards that are being done this morning are very high end with full outdoor kitchens, built in fire pits and pools.

The landscaping project is morphing a bit in my mind. Does that happen to anyone else??? The grass is not really growing back in the back part of the yard and my deck is in bad shape. On Wednesday night I went over to some friends house for dinner and I got discussing my projects and ideas. One idea that was thrown out was to use a wood named Ipe to redeck. So, I went home and did some research. It would be very beautiful and maintenance free. Talk a look...

I think I am going to take the sidewalk from my house to the public sidewalk out. It is all heaved and dangerous from the tree roots underneath. So, in comes a path that connects the from to the back with pavers, I think. It is hard to articulate right now. I am gathering pictures so I can picture story of what I want when I head over to the landscaping store. It is exciting. I just can't stay away from "projects". I am starting to think it might just be a familial disease.

I just put out all my sweet pea seedlings on Friday. The baby plants are coming along. I still don't have any blooms on any of my pernnials yet but I think that's because I don't have a lot of direct sun for an extended period of time. Patience, I keep telling myself. The fence is also complete and I really need that project to be done. Next time I am going to spray it rather then doing it hand. Lessons learned, always a good thing.

A Journey

2009-05-02T09:12:00.002-04:00

I have embarked on a journey, a very long one as a matter of fact. Last night I went to pizza and the movies with my parents and some of their friends. Earlier in the day I had been planning on starting a big closet organizational project. I needed to move my winter stuff to the guest room and move my summer stuff into my tiny, tiny closet. So when I got home, I just started. What a massive mess I have going on right now! I was able to get the winter coats, sweaters, skirts and pants into the cedar closet and my summer attire somewhat fits into the closet in my room. I say somewhat because I have to keep my dresses in the guest room, my jackets down stairs and my shoes are in 3 of 5 closets.
I love, love, love shoes, perhaps more then I have realized in the past. I have all my warm weather shoes, wedges, heels, flats out and wow, even I was taken back. I bought a lot of shoes last year as I worked through my grief. This year I am on to house hold items or materials that go into home improvement projects/ landscaping.
I am going to have a yard sale at some point in the early summer. The process of weeding out has begun with my clothes and shoes but I have a whole barn full of things to go through. Good thing I am working per diem.
I have to run and get some errands done before I help some friends move. I will keep you all posted on how the projects progress.

Wednesday night

2009-04-29T22:46:00.001-04:00

Hi, My name is Liz Skoglund and I am an addict...

2009-04-27T22:24:00.007-04:00

I am addicted to projects and my current one involves lots of flowers, a huge landscaping project for the front of house and staining a fence. This year the colors for my annuals consists of deep purples to blues with some whites mixed in. I was inspired by the White Flower Farm catalogue that I received a few weeks ago. After several weeks of pouring over the beautiful pictures of gorgeous flowers I made my decision. Last year it was pink and happy. This summer it is purple and bold. I am excited. I ordered some flowers for my pots and today I got all my pots out of the garage and placed in my gardens in the back, at least for now. All things are subject to change once I get the plants and plant them. I have to say that this time of year is very refreshing and encouraging. Being able to be outside and doing projects with my own hands mixed in with a bit of sweat is so rewarding.
If my container gardens look half as good as these I will be immensely pleased at the end of the season. I'll keep you posted.

A Miller Time Clip

2009-04-27T22:18:00.002-04:00

What has been going on???

2009-04-22T22:37:00.002-04:00

It has been a very long time! I am sitting in my bed, it is about 10:30 on a Wednesday night watching FoxNews. I don't usually watch On the Record but it is serving as sort of background noise at the moment.

It has been a bit of a busy week so far. Monday and Tuesday I was up at 0450 am to get ready to head out to work. For those who know me well, that was a bit of a challenge. But honestly, once I was up, it was not so bad. Today though, I think I went to bed last night and didn't move a muscle for the majority of the night. I think the key is going to bed early the night before. That helps immensely.

Today I was able to catch a little news, grab a cup of coffee and head out to my dad's office to work for him a bit. I went off to Walmart to shop, made some chili, planted lots of seeds and pansies went for a run with Grady and cleaned the upstairs bathroom. If I could just develop a consistent schedule for cleaning, life might be a bit easier. Oh well.

This is really boring. I thought if I just started writing again, I might come up with something interesting to talk about. Oh well, I'll try again soon.

NYC

2009-03-16T22:21:00.002-04:00

:: I found this humorous as I was running along the Hudson today. Don't worry, it didn't smell bad at all. I am learning so many new things about this wonderful city. It was a gray, not so warm day out but it was fine for running. Once I finally made it to the running path down by the river on the west side, it was a nice flat run, unlike the run in Central Park yesterday. Now, if it is not too crazy tomorrow and mom and I get all our errands completed in a timely manner, I might just take another jaunt down there tomorrow.

::Side note, love having an iphone. It is my ipod, phone, and GPS all in one at the same time. I downloaded the imapmyrun app and it is wonderful! So fun to go back on the computer after and view my run on the map, my time and pace. Love it.

::The real reason I am here, Mom. She is better this evening. She woke this morning not feeling all that well but we powered through and made it to the hospital via the subway. A cab was out of the question. Anyway, her eye was better and we figured out it was dehydration probably causing her to be dizzy. After a several glasses of water she was feeling much improved. We had a nice dinner of leftovers and watched House. Shortly following the show we ventured into the kitchen to spend some time with the others on our floor. What an amazingly fun and strong group of people we are getting to know.

Observations on Traveling 2009

2009-03-04T09:32:00.002-05:00

:: I am a chronic over-packer. Both trips I took this month, I brought so much more then I could have ever worn in the 3-4 days that comprised each trip. I would have had to change 2-3 times a day to wear it all. I guess I just don't want to be stuck with no options.

:: There is something healing about the sun. There is nothing better then just soaking up the rays and reading a good book. You just feel better. I must really be deficient in Vitamin D.

:: Traveling with planes full of the elderly is not the way to go for those of us who thrive on being on time. Both legs yesterday, but especially from Florida to JFK, was primarily people in their 70-80's. I have never seen so many wheelchairs to pick them up on the other end. But the point is, it took them a very long time to get settled, asking the attendants to keep getting stuff out of the overhead, then they were up to the bathroom before the seatbelt sign was off and they didn't stay seated when we landed. The poor attendants were so frustrated and both times we left almost an hour late because of this. Oh well, I didn't mind that much since I had some time cushion. It was interesting to watch it play out. And since I am a rule person, I could see how this would be frustrating if that was my job.

:: When away and off routine, I didn't watch the news much. It was better for me. I watched FNC on the plane and could feel my stress levels rising.

:: Good travel companions are key to a great vacation experience.

:: Walking 4 miles every night to get dinner was such a great idea. Taking a cab back to the hotel was key after we ate. The cabbies thought we were crazy to walk all that way. Each night they asked us if we were ok after that long walk down to South Beach.

:: Unpacking is my least favorite part of a vacation. Oh well. Off to do some laundry.

Things

2009-02-26T08:46:00.002-05:00

: I learned tonight that going into work at 3 am is not really the best idea. But it was a little extra money in the bank to help pay for heat on these cold winter days.

: I am so thankful for a more mild morning. It was nice to not be chilled to the bone driving back to Canton

: I have a very strange tingle in my upper lip this morning- perhaps it is due to fatigue

: I have noticed an alarming trend working on OB. It is the exception more then the norm if the parents of the newborn are married. That is really sad to me. Thus, leads me to my second observation...People love to ask me if I have kids. My routine answer is, No, I have dogs. It always makes them laugh and say a little something about that. People love to connect in some meaningful way. I like that. But as I was thinking about it, I am never asked if I am married, only if I have kids. I am thankful to not have to answer the married question but I am really realizing that it is a cultural norm to have children and not be married.

: The dogs have been very antsy with me. They always get like this when I am getting ready for a trip. I guess they don't want me to leave.

: I am heading to Miami tomorrow and Laura is house/dog sitting. This white girl needs some vit d and a tan.

: I am going to bed for a few hours.

"A Grief Observed"

2009-02-25T09:25:00.004-05:00

Excerpts from "A Grief Observed" C.S. Lewis

You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it? The same with people...Only a real risk test the reality of a belief.

Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead. From the rational point of view, what new factor has H.'s death introduced into the problem of the universe? What ground has it given me for doubting all that I believe? I knew already that these things, and worse, happened daily. I would have said that I had taken them into account. I had been warned- I had warned myself- not to reckon on worldly happiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for other people's sorrows had been real concern. The case is too plain. If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards. The faith which 'took these things into account' was not faith but imagination. The taking them into account was not real sympathy. If I had really cared, as I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came. It has been an imaginary faith playing with innocuous counters labelled 'Illness,' 'Pain,' 'Death,' and 'Loneliness.' I thought I trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and I find I didn't.

Bridge-players tell me that there must be some money on the game 'or else people won't take it seriously.' Apparently it's like that. Your bid-for God or no God, for a good God or the Cosmic Sadist, for eternal life or nonentity-will not be serious if nothing much is staked on it. And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are playing not for counter or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing less will shake a man-or at any rate a man like me-out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He had to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.
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I borrowed this book from a friend last week and read it in about 2 sittings. Mostly at the gym, riding the stationary bike. I think this was probably one of the best books I have read to date on grief, particularly the grief from the loss of a spouse. It is real, raw and completely honest. That is what I appreciate most. Lewis is not afraid to discuss this doubts, his temporary lose of faith and the complete range of emotions that go along with such a grief. It was so refreshing.

My experience in this situation has revealed to me that Christians, in general, love to quote scripture references to the grieving. After much reflection upon this I have come to decide that they do this more for themselves then for the bereaved. It is almost like they are trying to build up their own faith, to reassure themselves because the reality is, for those in the depths of sorrow, those quip little sayings mean nothing. It is not going to change the fact that they lost this person or that their entire lives are changed and dreams for tomorrow are stolen away and that life as it has been know will never be known again. What was had will never be repeated.

A few weeks ago I had an interesting conversation with a person much younger then myself. It was one I probably couldn't have tolerated a even a few months ago but it was very eye opening to me now and I think it was also educational to this person. It started off with asking how I was doing, progressing onto the status of my relationship with God, present faith, why didn't I just trust God and perhaps, the question was posed that I was just being selfish. Hummm. I am not going to regurgitate the conversation as it played out in every little detail but I will say I was able to see for the first time the difference between the faith of someone who has suffered little and myself. I am pretty sure that years ago, I would have had the same thoughts and questions for someone like myself, as an observer looking in.

I have to wrap it up here and get on with my day. I am not going to get into my own answers on all of the posed questions above, they are not for public consumption. But I will say that grief and the process of bereavement is very isolating. No one can truly walk through it with you, no one can work out your questions, sadness, fears, concerns, disappointments, anger, etc. for you. Even those who are grieving the very same person or situation, their grief is different, as was their relationship, then yours to the person you grieve.

Grief is like the waves on the ocean, it never ceases, it only changes form, frequency and intensity.

A lesson learned

2009-02-12T08:08:00.003-05:00

I should really know better then to schedule a doctors appt while at the gym and knowingly unaware of my work schedule. Now, you may wonder, that girl works so few days it should be easy to keep track of. I know, I know. I think I usually am pretty aware of my schedule I think I thought to myself, I usually get put on call at least one of my two nights of the week so I figured it wouldn't be so bad if I was working.

Hum, I should have known better. This is one of the very rare, maybe once a month times when it is just CRAZY at work. There were babies and laboring moms everywhere. It seemed that every ring of the phone brought another mom to be in. It did make the night go fast but now I have to stay up until my appt at 0930 and then I have to come home, get settled and sleep fast because there will be no call for anyone today, everyone is going to have to work. It's good, really. Those moms are done being preggo and if I truly have to work, then I actually want to be doing work while I am there. Twiddling my thumbs for 12 hrs is torture for me. I know there are those who actually enjoy doing nothing and getting paid for it but not me and not at night especially.

So, to pass this hour and a half I have read up on other's blogs, checked facebook, made some hot chocolate, built a fire and now I am doing a small post.

The fire part may have pulled a trigger for some of you, since it is 43 degrees out. What a wonderful glimpse of things to come. This short reprieve from the harshness of winter was a very welcomed surprise and blessing. Perhaps I will make it and maybe just maybe spring will come before May this year. I guess there is always hope. But anyway, it feels a little damp so I thought a fire might be a little cozy thing as I wait for time to pass.

Sunday Afternoon

2009-02-09T00:39:00.003-05:00

I had to redeem myself. I looked terrible in the picture I posted on Friday. This really isn't a great picture of either of us but I liked it because I look like I actually am getting longer hair. Am I so vain? I was told I was vain last week because I won't correct my driver's license name spelling because I seriously have a great photo on it and those are very hard to come by at the DMV.
I also like it because it is fun to hang out and just be able to laugh with Maja. We celebrated her birthday this afternoon even though her real birthday isn't until Tuesday. And although several were ill, it was a great weekend to spend with the Skoglunds.

Friday Night Hockey

2009-02-07T02:36:00.004-05:00

I could quite possibly be coming home with this one. Next purchase- a farm, so I can have as many dogs and puppies as I want.

Maja and I freezing our butts off watching Wheaton Hockey. It was fun to see Greg skate.

Last week in Jan.

2009-01-31T22:26:00.009-05:00

It is hard to believe that January is over and we are on to February. Wow, I guess I will survive another North Country winter, contrary to personal belief. Only one more really terrible month. March could go either way and then we will be on to April showers that bring May flowers. Besides the fact that I am a warm weather girl, I am tired of high gas bills and I don't even keep my house that warm. I guess that is one of the joys of owning an older home. If I stay another winter, new windows might be in order. But that is a long way off and I am making no promises either way. Some pictures from this weekend. My life is really, really exciting.
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The storm brought about lots of great soft fluffy snow and I decided to take the dogs out and go snow shoeing. We had a great time and no one bothered us. I was surprised that there wasn't anyone else there. I usually see at least one cross country skier.

I was trying to demonstrate just how deep the snow was out on the golf course. It was deeper then the length of Dyllan's legs, making her have to hop/run the entire time. It was rather entertaining to watch. I wish I had a video component on my iphone.

I would be so lonely and cold if I didn't have these guys. A typical scene. I'm under there somewhere.

So, this is the scene at 34 this Saturday night. The dogs are either really bored or just really tired from their play date out in the "country" this afternoon. They must have known something was up since they whined from the back almost the entire ride out.

Why was this allowed to happen?

2009-01-30T10:55:00.002-05:00

Most of you have probably already heard about this lady in California who gave birth to octuplets in the last week or so. Really, who was the doctor who implanted 8 fertilized embryos into a single mom, who lives with her parents, who already has 6 children, who is on welfare and who filed for bankruptcy last year. Do we have no standards anymore, any moral guidelines or better yet, social responsibility? It would appear that they have all vanished.

I am all for fertility treatments when that is needed but in the context of a loving marriage relationship between a man and a woman who are struggling to start a family. i do not believe in selective reduction of embryos. There is always a risk of multiples with fertility treatments. Why would any doctor do this? I want to know where this lady came up with the money to do this in the first place. And now, the tax payers of CA are going to bear the burden of paying the medical bills for the 8 premies! Very few people know just how costly it is to stay in the NICU. Most stays in the NICU are in the hundreds of thousands of dollar range, now multiple that times 8. These babies deserve the very best care, it is not their fault but society is now going to be paying for it.

I struggle a lot with having to foot the bill for those on public assistance via my tax dollars. There is a time and a place for those who are struggling to get public assistance so that they can survive and get back on their feet but when one makes a conscious choice for that lifestyle, in my eyes, that is not right. Should we really being having children in herds or litters? Doesn't seem to me like that is the way God intended it to be.

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From foxnews.com,
WHITTIER, California , Calif. — The woman who gave birth to octuplets this week has six other children and never expected to have eight more when she took fertility treatment, her mother said.

Angela Suleman said her daughter expects a big challenge raising 14 children. The good news, she said, is all the babies appear healthy.

"I looked at those babies. They are so tiny and so beautiful," Suleman told The Los Angeles Times on Thursday.

Suleman's daughter gave birth to the octuplets Monday at a hospital in Bellflower but has requested that doctors keep her name confidential. Media knew little about the woman until a family acquaintance told CBS' "The Early Show" on Thursday that the mother is "fairly young" and lives with her parents and her six children.

Within hours, media had camped out at the family's home in Whittier, where the babies' grandfather pulled up in a minivan in the evening and briefly spoke to The Associated Press. Beside him were two children — a 7-year-old and 6-year-old — who said they were excited to have eight new siblings.

The boots

2009-01-20T21:28:00.007-05:00

So, it all started last week at our first Monday Madness. I posed the question, "Is $350 too much to spend on a pair of boots?". I had been looking at these boots at Anthropologie for several weeks now and fell in love with them but really, that is just too much, even for me to spend on a pair of boots. So, I decided to confirm my convictions by asking a room full of men and 1 other woman. It was pretty much a wash. But these guys have a long memory and I was still getting questions as to whether or not I bought the boots a week later. I assured everyone that the only thing I was buying was plane tickets. But these guys along with the assistance of Laura, decided to whip me up my very own pair and deliver them to me as I was working. It was so, so funny to see the 4 of them peering in the door of the OB unit only to have them whip out a pair of paper black boots. How do you think they compare with the real deal? I think they should do for the time being.

The pair from Anthropologie..... I still look at them and wish that they would just go on sale.

The making of the boots.

9 1/2 plus Jay, boots completed and receipt composed by Laura.

"Boots" in tow, they are on the way to the hospital to deliver them to me.

Random thoughts and pictures....i am so bored right now.

2009-01-20T00:27:00.006-05:00

I'm at work. Working, well, I would if there was actually something to do I guess. It is nights like tonight I just wish for a little action. Not chaos mine you, just a little something to push the clock along. So, I started looking at some old pictures and thought I would share a few thoughts and comments.
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Rachael and I visiting the Tomford farm this summer. How I miss the days of warmth, being tan and just being able to go outside without having to take an extra 10 minutes just to get dressed to face the cold.

From Dyllan's Dependents

Someone was asking me tonight how long was my kitchen project. July until last week. But wow, look how far its come. I love the outcome. All the work and various frustrations were totally worth it.

From Dyllan's Dependents

What I wouldn't give to be doing this again, right now. Can you tell I have nothing to do at work but daydream of warmer days to come. I am happy to announce that I did book my trip to Miami with some of my girlfriends tonight. It is great to have something to look forward to. I told Jon about my trip tonight (BTW, he called me while we was icing a cow's eyeball-so random) and he asked why Miami. My reply, the furthest place south on the east coast that is still in the states.

From href="http://picasaweb.google.com/Liz.Skoglund/DyllanSDependents02?authkey=dKMisEQLtYo&feat=embedwebsite">Dyllan's Dependents

Laura and I need to be doing more of this. I do feel a little bad. She was such a great training partner for me. Running how ever long I wanted, whenever I wanted. So, tonight she asked me if I wanted to train for a marathon with her. Yeah right! No way was the first phrase out of my mouth. I just can't do it and especially not now when running outside for 3 miles is a bit of challenge for me in the frigid winter.

I do miss these friends. A fun and yummy cupcake place would be very fun to have up here.

This is one of the most beautiful places in the world. I so want to go back to Croatia.

From Dyllan's Dependents

I am so glad that I had this experience with Christian but I don't think I would do it again. And yes, this is me in the picture. Wow, we were really high up.

From Dyllan's Dependents

She is so cute, and looks so young. This is pre-burns.

From Dyllan's Dependents

My sister-in-law is so crazy. Maybe one day my hair will be that long.

From Dyllan's Dependents

I sure do miss this guy. Life was so much better with him around.

From Dyllan's Dependents

What to say?

2009-01-11T23:09:00.003-05:00

I am finding it hard to find things to write/ talk about. Now that I am back in the US and have a job and lead a rather boring, uneventful life, blogging just seems a bit boring for my readers. I mean, it is boring for me so it must be for my readers.

I so miss the days of flying here and there. Back in the day when I was a true jet setter. Visiting places rich in history or just warm, those were the days. Now, I clean, work, work out, hang out with the dogs, cook. It just seems so ordinary. I guess that is just what happens after the holidays. Brother Greg was the last to leave and it was great to have one last night of playing cards, even if I did lose every game. Oh well.

It has been frigid. These are the months when people talk all the time about the weather. I am the worst. I fully admit it. My sister in law and I start this discussion back in Sept/ Oct and it just continues on. It is rather fascinating if you think about it. It's not like I or anyone else can change it by having strong opinions about how good or bad it is. Yet, the discussion endures.
The moon was amazing tonight. I was driving out to a friend's home for dinner and the news didn't lie, the moon was huge and so bright and casting light on the dark fields blanketed in snow. It was beautiful.

Grady is trying to do himself in again. He stole 2 mint chocolate cookies from the back of the counter when I was out running this afternoon. I should have known something was up when Dyllan would not come up from the back room. She knew I was about to find the evidence of the crime and someone was going to be in big trouble. And that he was. I sent him to his crate only to find that he found a comfy place..... ON MY BED. I was so mad. I made him get down, yelled at him and sent him again to his crate. I then went to the shower. When I came out, back on the bed he was. This is so unusual for him. They are never up on my bed. I was mad, mad, mad to say the least. So into the crate he went with the door closed and locked. Then, he was not happy. Oh well, too bad so sad for you. I think his behavior today warrants the use of the shock collar tomorrow. I'll keep you posted on our discipline issues.

It's after eleven and I am going to try and get to bed before midnight. All is quiet here and locked up for the night. Maybe tomorrow I will have something more meaningful to write about. Everyday is a new adventure here at 34.

January

2009-01-07T22:44:00.008-05:00

I am having a hard time writing 2009. I had so many cross-outs at work. It's nothing new though. i often times have a hard time adjusting to the new year. In a few weeks I should be good. I am still listening to Handel's Messiah at times. Have the holiday's really ended? The holidays went by so fast. It was filled with such fun times with family and friends and parties. Ordinary life seems, I don't know, I guess just so ordinary after the holidays. I love having everyone together.

This week everyone left Laura and I here in Canton. Jon is off in the southwest, Ethan is back to big city living and my parents are in Burlington. And Monday Night Madness hasn't resumed yet. So, Laura is staying with me for a few days. It's nice to have company. The snow is back and I think it might just be here to stay for the duration. GOOD thing I am already planning trips. Yeah! The only bummer is I have nothing but work planned for this month. But I potentially have two trips in the works for February and one for March and I already know that I am going to Hilton Head in May. I do have to laugh at myself though. As much as I like to travel and have new experiences, when I am home, I like to be home in my house. I guess that could be seen as my recharge for my next adventure.
I sold my old car yesterday. That was a complete blessing to have that done so easily. Besides that, nothing really new here at 34. Below are some pics from the previous weeks.
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Laura and I just about to leave the dealership.

A view of the boys getting into the suburban from my new car. I think they were a little sad they didn't get to ride with the girls.

Behind bars. They are actually doing just fine in the new car.

This could quite possibly be my most favorite picture of Grady. Blue Steel or his version of it.

Laura and I hanging out at my place with the dogs. Do we need to get a life???? We can't help it, it is just too snowy to go outside.

Road Trip and Otis

2009-01-01T22:22:00.010-05:00

Yesterday we loaded up the beast with Jon, Laura, Greg, Dyllan, Grady and myself and headed to Syracuse to pick up my new car. Here are some pictures of the trip down. Greg had a bit of an attitude as we started out but it improved over the course of the trip and with the help of some food.
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I think Dyllan was bored in the third seat.

The boys are pondering something...

Greg was asking for it. Good thing I didn't leave a mark. Actually it was a camera shot. Laura caught it at just the right time.

How was Grady drinking almost upside down while in a moving car?? The dog has talent.

Otis decided to be a person tonight and join the humans at the table.

This week

2008-12-28T18:00:00.005-05:00

Wow, the holidays are almost over. The post holiday atmosphere can be a bit blah. There is so much hype and enthusiasm going into the holiday season. Looking forward to family getting together, the funny stories that make a family so much fun and all the parties and food that goes along with the season almost makes day to day life rather boring. I guess it is good that we don't eat like this all the time. I would definitely have to run more then 3 miles at time if that was the case. But any way. It has been an enjoyable one. I have so loved and enjoyed having Jon home for the last 2 weeks. He has been such a huge help to me. Primarily, attending multiple vet visits with me.

I feel a bit discouraged about my dogs and my ability to care for them. When I look at myself, I see myself as a great pet owner. I mean, not to brag or anything but I am very attentive to them. They get daily exercise, great food and lots of love and attention. If they were children, CPS would already be involved.

I went up to Cornwall today to the animal hospital, with both the dogs. Dyllan had to have surgery again, for possibly thermal burns. What! Neither mom nor I have seen her up against the heaters in the back hallway. But it looks similar to last spring. Again, it was sent to pathology to see for sure what it is and we also did a thyroid level to see if she is hypothyroid. I guess heat seeking is a symptom of this disease process. Just what I need, another pill to give her.

Then there is Grady. The dog that never has physical issues, just mental. Well, he has been sick for 2 weeks and until yesterday the cause was completely unknown. But since the snow receded, I was able to clean up the yard and I found a lost bottle of motrin, brand new bottle mind you, chewed and pills water logged and strewn all over the yard, ibuprofen toxicity. Yup, all the symptoms were observed and the lab values confirmed it today. He definitely did some damage to his kidneys and only time will tell if he will get better. We have to recheck this in 4-5 weeks. Really, really, I am done. I will do not need anymore dogs. I mean, I don't have a life but I do not need to fill my time with vet visits. I guess the positive is that the problem has been identified and we can only get better.

Another positive, I pick up my new car tomorrow. That is exciting.
Below are some pics from the weekend. I started this blog a few days ago.

Carol, mom and I at Carina's wedding reception.

I look a little scary here, like my face hasn't seen sun in years. This is mom and I waiting for the wedding to begin.

Christmas

2008-12-25T17:15:00.003-05:00

That's it for the photos since they are not organized at all b/c I don't have iphoto currently and I don't have any patience left to sort through and find the ones from today. It was a very nice Christmas and it continues to be good since I don't have to go to work. Yeah.
The dogs getting treats from their stockings.

The annual set up for the after church on Christmas eve photo op. The line that mom always says, Don't change when you get home. Then the set up and positioning takes about 45 minutes. After 20 some years of this in the very same position, you would think we would have the process down.

This is what I did on Tuesday.

Lets review

2008-12-20T20:54:00.003-05:00

It was a rather long week that went very quickly. Or would it actually be a quick week that was packed with events.
Sunday night i had several friends, with and without small infants over for dinner. it was so fun to just chat, visit and take a breather from the business of the holiday season.
Monday, Jon is home. I had my first visit to Dr. Carvill and he fixed the pain I have been having in my one tooth for almost a year. Life minus tooth pain is much improved. Jon and I hung out for the afternoon. It was completely wet and miserable out so he rested and I did something I'm sure. We then went as a family to a friends home for dinner. It was amazing.
Tuesday, I had to work. I took the dogs on a walk with mom. 4 dogs, 2 people some sun and temps in the 20's. Not too bad. I was able to get a good run in and then it was back to mom's house for some homemade chicken soup. That seems to be a staple now a days. Definitely a good one though. Tuesday night I had to work. It ended up being a 16 hr day.
Wednesday, the countertop guys were supposed to install and complete the project. Well, that was just too lofty a goal to expect. I got home from work at 1130 am. Jon was at my house. He was going to wait for the guys so I could get some sleep. Well, the guys eventually got here around noon. Jon had to help them bring the slab in and then hummmmm, my sink had 2 cracks in it. Really, really...... So, now a new sink is ordered, a box of flooring has been ordered ( to fix where the countertop guys majorly scratched my new hardwood) and my original contractor has to come back and fix a spot where the countertop guys marred my new custom cabinets. I don't think I would ever recommend this countertop contractor. It has been a not good experience for me this last part of the project. I think I should have just let Dominic do poured concrete for the counters. It would definitely be done and done right by this point. Then to top it all off, I had to go back to work that night to some crazy patients.
Thursday, cleaned and hosted Jon's welcome back party. Parties are such great fun.
Friday, the part I didn't mention above, Grady has been throwing up multiple times a day since Tuesday and has had multiple urination accidents in the night for the last 3 nights. So, Friday morning started off with some clean up in multiple rooms of the house and a trip to the vet. I thought it might be an obstruction at first since he hadn't had number 2 in days but the part that didn't make sense. He had blood in his urine and was now having accidents. He is lethargic and just generally not himself. I think he might have poisoned himself with something but I have no idea. He hasn't gotten into anything here. Anyway, he went to Watertown with mom, Jon and I and camped out on the mink in the second seat with his coat on and didn't budge for the whole time. This picture below shows him drinking laying down. Something is not right. But I think he might be on the mend a little today. He is still just resting but he has a bit more life in his little eyes. No more vomit the last 2 days. That is a positive. I must say, I am going to have to work extra shifts to cover these mounting dog bills. I think they need health insurance as well.
Today, I was unable to stop a few times and once ran into a snow bank at the gym. I so need a new car. I also took a trip out to Norwood and spent some time with a few friends and ate some buckeye balls, yum, yum, yum.
So, that's a week review. I can't believe Christmas is in 5 days.

Otis and Jon after dinner tonight. Otis decided to wander down from his chair to greet us or perhaps it was just to be let outside.

An afternoon at 34

2008-12-15T23:43:00.003-05:00

Not Much

2008-12-15T17:13:00.002-05:00

Rainy days make for good days to stay home. Jon is home and we are at my house relaxing and watching tv. Jon is stretched out on the 96" couch, under a mink with several dogs as added heaters. Soon we will have to venture out for dinner at a friend's home. At least it isn't cold right now. It's nice to have Jon here for a bit.

December 12

2008-12-12T21:03:00.007-05:00

It is hard to believe that it was already a year ago today that we buried Christian at Arlington National Cemetery. Often times it seems like an eternity ago and yet the memories are so poignant it could be the actual day. Last year it was snowless and somewhat warm, this year it is cold and snowy. Last year I hosted an Italian luncheon for all those who attended the burial. This year I hosted a luncheon of homemade soup for 3 very dear, lifelong friends and my mom. Last year the minor crises of the day was that my crown popped off while I was doing Christian's headstone. This year, a my friends got their cars towed for parking on the street in front of my house and my oven mitt that I use for the wood stove caught on fire x2. Last year the dogs were not allowed on the couch. This year, they own the couch. Hummm....There is nothing that can really be said. It's sad, tragic but some how a new day comes every morning even when you don't want it to. Memories are reviewed and held near and dear. But no matter what, it is lonely and unfair.
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These are a few photos of the memorial that was established in Italy for the guys. Just beyond the wreath is a monument that was set in place at the actual site of the crash on November 8. They couldn't get to it on the day of the memorial due to the river.

The rest of the pictures are from the memorial that was established on donated land.

Resting

2008-12-02T12:11:00.002-05:00

It is Tuesday afternoon. I am resting on the couch, under a mink and watching What Not to Wear. Yeah, it is one that I haven't seen before. I need to do some organization in my office today, pay some bills, file some papers. Yuck. It is a bit cooler today. So, I decided to try a fire again today. And once again, smoke, smoke, smoke...... So frustrating. My house smells like a ADK hunting camp. The whole point of the situation and use of a fire is to add warmth but I end up having to have windows and doors open to help me get rid of the smoke. Now I know people are going to write and ask is the damper open, check, is the fire place cleaned out, check. So, I have used fire starters, kindling, egg cartons and paper. I think the one thing I am missing is tinder.

Tinder
Dry material which needs only a spark to start a fire. Must be completely dry to respond to heat. Includes some types of tree bark, wood shavings, dead plant matter, straw, sawdust, dead pine needles, rotten tree trunks, pine knots, down feathers, down seed heads, lint, cotton, gunpowder, wax paper, charred cloth, dried vegetable fibers, paper, and bamboo shavings.

I have lots of lint from the dryer, not so sure where I can get bamboo shavings.

I think I just need to have a professional come and look at the chimney or perhaps I should just go to a space heater.

Roger and Grady are at my house today, Dyllan and Otis are at mom's. She definitely got the better end of the deal. But since it is my parent's anniversary, she deserves it. They have been married for 36 yrs. Wow.

2008-11-30T23:58:00.002-05:00

so adorable. it reminded me of when Grady was a puppy and he and all his litter mates would sleep in a big pile in the food dish.

Decorating for Christmas

2008-11-29T00:45:00.010-05:00

I love Christmas. It is definitely my most favorite holiday. After cleaning up from Thanksgiving and spending a large chunk of the day finishing up the decorations at church, I spent the evening going through my decorations and spicing up my new house.
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What, she needs a pillow now? She is soooooo spoiled now. Christian would be crazy if he could see what has become of the dogs. I do try but the up on the couch, I just can't win at this point. It's better then in the bedroom.

Two dogs on the snuggle ball.

A few house decorations....

Thanksgiving at 34

2008-11-29T00:38:00.006-05:00

To achieve a great meal, there is a mess left behind. Despite the clean up, dinner was totally worth it. Thanksgiving was held at my house. It was different but fun. Good food and it was great to be with my family that is in the US. We are all looking forward to Christmas when Jon can be here with us.

The Result. Yummy..... The Tomford turkey was great as were all the fixings.

Some bonding time between Ethan and Grady

A week in Review

2008-11-21T22:22:00.015-05:00

Part of me was not going to post any pictures. Any of you who are loyal blog readers of mine probably already read my mom's and my cousin's blog. It was a week of parties. Parties are fun. They are fun to plan for other people. To get an idea, to decorate, to envision what might bless another but the flip side is that it is a bit of a let down when it is all said and done. It is almost like, now what... Well for me the now what came in the form of work. Two 12 hr shifts followed right on the heels of three days of fun, laughter and great food.
I am sitting in my back room, the sun room I guess you could call it. Fiddling with a fire that has taken me 3 hours to get to the point where it is finally producing real, tangible heat. With a roaring fire and a good glass of wine, I take a moment to reflect on the happenings of this past month.
To begin with, I finally moved into my house following my trip to Texas. I wasn't so sure how that was going to go but the transition went smoothly and three weeks after moving in, I finally have a kitchen sink. Finally, I can make more then coffee. Although I still can't find a bunch of glasses and my toaster oven. It has got to be out there somewhere but now it is 10 degrees and I am not going out to the garage to work on organization.
We went away as a family for the first week of November. It was good to be away in the sun and tropics for my birthday and the 1 yr anniversary of the accident. The sun was soothing and the change of scenery was good for the soul. I would be remiss if I didn't share the positives and the negatives of a one year anniversary. The positives are that I have a great amount of support in my local community, amazing friends from years gone by and also several of my air force friends remembered and sent me a little notes letting me know that they are remembering with me the devastation of November 8th. The negatives, not a single person or friend from G-52 company contacted me via email, snail mail, phone or text. That was definitely hurtful. People who worked for Christian and wives who I thought were my good friends, silence. It is so isolating. I know that they haven't forgotten, so my question is, why? The excuse of, they didn't know what to say doesn't cut it. It is not what you say but the fact that you took the time to remember with me that counts. There are no words of comfort to be offered. But the remembrance is so key. The reality is that every day is a reminder that my life is forever changed. I don't need an anniversary or a special day to be reminded that the love of my life has been ripped away from me. I live that reality each and every day that I awake.
So, that is a month in review. Trying times in the middle and a celebration of an amazing life of 60 years and counting just this past week. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to be here to help her remember and celebrate 60 amazing years.

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Good friends and a great surprise party!

Monday night... I have a new generation of friends. They are super fun even if they are about a decade younger then me. They have some great insights and they are not afraid to have some fun. And man, can they cook and clean up. I was impressed.

I brought a lot of the table arrangements from Sunday to my house to help decorate for Tuesday. It is Friday night and the flowers are still looking good. I love fresh cut flowers.

Pre lunch set up. The younger generation that attended sat at the "kids table" in the back room. We had our own fun.

Tuesday morning in the back room. He is such a little prince.

Post party rest time watching a new episode of House.

So, do you think the dogs love mom????

New Bed

2008-11-14T22:34:00.002-05:00

Grady got a Snuggle ball yesterday. I think he likes it. It is sort of like a bean bag that snuggles around him when he lays down.

New Kitchen Pictures

2008-11-11T17:22:00.006-05:00

Looking at the kitchen, the left side is pretty much done except the cover plate and the wood behind the stove. The right side is a completely different story. The quartz was cut completely off for the sink hole. Hence another 4-6 weeks of waiting for a new slab to be cut for that area. Oh well. I can't get that worked up about it. They are putting a temp on for me this weekend so I can at least have a sink in the mean time. But I have to say the way it is turning out is amazing. Hardware goes on tomorrow. Love the quartz color, saddle brown and the pot filler looks great. How much fun to have water right at the cooking area.

Some pics from St. Kitts

2008-11-11T16:16:00.013-05:00

Leigh, Ethan and I after dinner on my birthday at the Beach House.

The islands

2008-11-07T13:29:00.000-05:00

Snow

2008-10-29T00:45:00.001-04:00

So, looking at this picture, what month of the year would you think it was????? Hummmmm. The British West Indies are calling my name.

Picture Update

2008-10-28T00:50:00.018-04:00

Right before I went to Texas last week, I went out to dinner with the Tomfords a the local gas station- Dominos. Hummmm. It was a first for me, dinner out at the gas station. I have to admit, it was a first but a fun one for me.

Clearly we are not in NNY anymore.

I mean, what is a girl's weekend without a bit of shopping???

Yummy. We visited this fun cupcake joint for a snack when we were in Dallas.

THere is some sort of bird problem down in TX. I don't know what the issue is. Thank goodness I didn't get pooped on.

Hummm, we wanted internet access. So we sat in the car outside a bar that offered free internet and checked out the things we wanted to.

This is just an example of Otis and his nervousness about riding in the car with the rest of the dogs. He was trying to be as close to mom as possible I guess in case Grady attacked him. Although I have to say, Grady has been much more friendly these last few weeks.

This is an old barn that is being reconstructed as a beautiful lake house. So cool to go and look around. It is in the middle of nowhere but I can see how amazing it is going to be when the project is complete.

We spent Sunday afternoon with some friends from church. They live on a farm and one of their younger sons took a liking to my fur kids. Both boy and canines had a great time chasing each other and wrestling for sticks.

Pictureless

2008-10-23T00:06:00.002-04:00

This is a first in a long while. No pictures. I haven't uploaded any yet from the recent fence project or my trip to Texas this weekend. So, what have I been up to. Some would say a lot and some would say very little. I really don't know.

I just arrived home last night, to a very gray and rainy Syracuse airport from a very warm and sunny Texas. This weekend my friend Claire and I went to Texas to visit our friend Heather who just bought a new house. But unlike me, Heather is actually living in her house. Hopefully, that is what I will be doing by the end of the week and not just paying the bills. But I digress.... We had such a great time, eating out, visiting, catching up, talking about life, struggles, telling funny stories, getting pedicures and of course, shopping. Girls never lack of things to discuss, review, critique and just plain talk about. One night we stayed up talking until I think about 2 am. Heather, the slave driver that she is made us get up for the 10:15 service the next morning. But, like Christian used to like to say, "You can sleep when you're dead". What does that really mean? i think it means perhaps that time is precious and it should be greatly valued and used wisely.

I have to laugh, it was my first visit back to TX in 4 yrs and nothing has changed. i knew I was on my way to Dallas when i sat next to a lady with perfectly sculpted hair, large silver and turquoise jewelry and bejeweled jeans with a matching bejeweled jean jacket. I was laughing so hard on the inside. I mean really, some stereotypes just fit so well. But the weather was a nice change for Claire and I. We both took the opportunity to wear fun summery type clothes. I will be putting those away here soon if we are going to be getting snow in the morning.

So, some of my favorite things we did are as follows:
1) We visited a Texas cult. They are people who live off the land, make all there own stuff and sell it but unlike the Amish here, they use electricity and I think cars. I don't know the ins and outs of it all and all the specific beliefs but I can say I visited it when I hear about it on the news in 3-4 yrs.
2) Spice- an amazing furniture store and then the fun stores upstairs.
3) Huge grocery store. Why can't we have that in Canton.
4) Parking outside a bar, sitting in a dark car, stealing wireless internet. The bar was shady and all we wanted to do was look at a few sites before we went back to the hotel on Monday night. It was soooo funny.
5) Sprinkles in Dallas- yummy!

Good friends are precious and hard to come by. I wish we all lived closer to each other. But we are all geographic snobs. I am an east-coaster till the end. Heather is a die-hard Texan and Claire is fiercly loyal to the pacific northwest. Oh well. We will just have to continue to save up frequent flyer miles until we meet again.

A long day of house work

2008-10-13T23:09:00.011-04:00

Just one little scenario

Something went very wrong here. The dishwasher just fell over from all the weight. Nothing broke.

These two pictures are to demonstrate the amazing crown molding. Love it.

The trim is complete in the back room. It looks so good. I am really happy that I decided to re-trim this room to match the kitchen.

Doing dishes in the tub. I am such a redneck. But this is what happens when one doesn't have a kitchen sink.

Race Pictures

2008-10-06T20:07:00.003-04:00

Here are the pics from the race. This first picture was at about mile 4, our first spotting of our personal fans. Look, we are still smiling and happy to be running.

Why am I talking on the phone and trying to run?

Some where inbetween mile 4-5

The signs worked

Mile 8

Lars ran the last 2 with Maja, in jeans....

Ethan and Laura ran the last 2 miles with me!

Almost there...

The finish line!

We ran the whole way and finished together.

Meka, me, Rachael and Maja

this one is for Jon. I look a bit silly since my mouth was full of bagel.

Group photo after the race for all the runners who ran for Taps.

The race weekend

2008-10-05T22:15:00.010-04:00

I just got home from DC. The race went well and I ran the whole thing. My stats are at the bottom of the page. I am really glad that we all did it together and had the families. I definitely think Christian would have been impressed with Maja and I. I will post pictures from the actual race tomorrow. I am just waiting for the pictures from Ethan's camera. More to follow...
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Maja, Rachael, the race route, myself and Meka after we checked in and got our numbers on Saturday morning.

Who is this strange creature?

At the Taps dinner the last night, pre-race

Hanging out last night in Mom and Dad's room

Signs to cheer us on.

Ethan and I studying the route last night.

19731 Skoglund, Elizabeth F31 Canton, NY
Gun / Chip Overall 6.5Mi Split Chip Time Pace
2:10:28 / 1:52:02 15307 /18857 1:13:05 1:52:02 11:12

2008-10-02T23:58:00.004-04:00

I apologize, my camera is not that great. Blurry pics all the time. But here are some of the updates from today.

Hummm...

2008-10-02T19:00:00.002-04:00

Thursday night here and I should be getting ready to go to DC in the morning but I am not yet. Oh well. I was put on call last night as I was on my way to work, so I turned around, went home, had dinner and went to the gym to run. Well, I had my phone on the treadmill just in case they called me back in. But nothing happened. So, I put it in my pocket and returned home. I got home, let the dogs out and my dad came out to tell me that the police had just paid me a visit to tell me to get to work. Let me tell you I was not happy that they sent the police out after me. It was a total of 6 minutes between my missed calls and the police on the doorstep. I mean, really!

So, I came home this morning, took a quick nap and was up and out. I had another person coming out to give me a quote on a fence. Then the guy came out to measure for the countertops. It is going to take 4-6 weeks to get the stone cut and in place. Aughhhh. But I think lots of trim went up and some light fixtures. I am on my way out to go over there for one last look before leaving for the weekend. I think I should start packing at some point and getting the dogs stuff ready to go to the kennel in the morning.

Grady has been TERRIBLE today. He won't stay out in the yard at my house. Then in the car he got a bag of peanut M&M's out of my bag and was munching on them. Then he got my mom's veggie basket down and ate several tomatoes and a zucchini and got into a few trash cans. He is such a dirty rotten rat. Then he thinks he should be able to get up on the couch and snuggle with me. I feel like I have been yelling at him all day. So frustrating since I know he can be good. Maybe a weekend at the kennel will turn his attitude and behavior around.

That's about it for now. I will keep you all posted on my trip and the run.

More Updates

2008-10-01T18:33:00.006-04:00

More picture updates. Some of the appliances are in. The sink and cooktop have to wait until the countertop gets put in. They are coming to measure for the counter on Friday and then it takes 4-6 more weeks to get it. Aughhhh.... But it is coming and I am liking what I am seeing.

Built in bookcases for all the thousands of books I own.

Birthday celebrations

2008-09-30T00:10:00.008-04:00

I see more progress on the home front. Look mom even came over in her apron, perhaps ready to cook at 34???

A birthday dinner with friends and family. Happy birthday Chris and Laura. It was a lot of fun tonight.

The two people celebrating birthdays, Chris and Laura

Carol made Laura the cutest bag. Love it!

My new fashion forward cousin

I guess we are trying to demonstrate here that Laura has abs of steel.

Pix Update Kitchen

2008-09-28T18:02:00.004-04:00

Here are a few more picture updates. More to come tomorrow.

Picture Update

2008-09-25T21:49:00.008-04:00

The project is coming together. The bathroom is really looking good. Lots of cabinets in the kitchen to be installed.